Sunday, July 27, 2008

In This Season

It wasn't too long ago that my life was anything but small. Before having children, I had traveled to nine different countries. I had graduated from a large university, where I met thousands and thousands and thousands of people during my time there. I was constantly on tour up and down the East Coast, performing in musicals, singing, acting, and dancing with our university group. I had performance arts schools admissions personnel and modeling agencies beating down my door.

I felt like I had seen the world, and more importantly, impacted it. In my mind, there was nothing I couldn't do. The world was at my fingertips, brimming with unknown possibilities...

Yet. What degree was I so diligently pursuing at this great university? A Masters degree in Education. Despite my performance talents, I felt God tugging me in a different direction, a different venue through which to impact the world- teaching children.

I had a job offer right away, so I was able to jump into teaching the subsequent year after graduation. I taught for a year and loved it. But God filled my womb with an unexpected miracle: Kimora. So, unable to commit my time and energy to teaching when I needed to dedicate my time energy to my baby, I became a stay at home mommy.

Fast forward 17 months.

*bam* Kariah enters the picture…this time a planned miracle.

Fast forward 17 months.

*bam* Kajanae enters the picture…she was also a planned miracle.

Fast forward 6 months.

*bam*….and we’re beginning the process of adding to our family for the fourth time, this time through adoption.

I will raise these children to the best of my ability…love them..cherish them. But, then when they’re all in school, I’ll pick up where I left off. Pursuing my dreams. Because really, this whole stay-at-home mommy thing is just a season. Nothing more, right?

Funny how my sphere of influence has drastically shrunk from thousands to four: Jamal. Kimora. Kariah. Kajanae.

As my world continues to function on a “smaller” scale, our hearts continue to grow for the "small" things that God has set before us. Because as we now prepare to bring our fourth Little Person into our family, I realize that my dreams have changed.

Maybe some would say that it's been a decrease in vision...a waste in talent....But I'd say it's become a more fine-tuned hope that Yes, there is most definitely something around the corner. Something bigger than I ever thought about before...

My children's unfolding destinies.

...their knowledge of a Kingdom and Creator yet unseen..their solid confidence that will continue to build them up when the world tears them down...their ability to truly love because they were loved.

While I have felt called to be a teacher, I now wonder about my interpretation of that vocation.

My interpretation was by the world's standards: A classroom...students...success. God would get the glory. I'd get the paycheck. Perfect. Thanks God.

But now I have to wonder as *revelation* hits my heart. I may very well be called in this season of my life to be my children’s teacher.

TD Jakes writes this of his sons, "...I know that they are manuscripts yet to be written and songs waiting to be sung. To the world I say get ready for them. They are being printed at this very moment and soon to be published. They will be well worth reading."

I know this is the case for my own little ones, as well.

I haven’t by any means forfeited the idea of teaching in a classroom again when my kids are older, which is what I still at this point intend to do...I just want to remain always open and ever-discerning of God’s will in my life...during EVERY season. This is the mindset I want to have, considering my life has so far been surprises galore. ;)

Friday, July 18, 2008


I don't talk much about my childhood, even to the ones I'm closest to. Unless we're super tight, you probably haven't heard me say anything beyond a few vague, dismissive phrases regarding my experiences before I came to my family at age ten. When I first heard this song, bottled-up tears poured down my face as I heard myself as a little girl (figuratively) singing this. My comfort is knowing that the baby or child that will soon become part of our family will be one less child to experience such pain and isolating solitude...even though I wasn't quite alone, was I? Watch this and you'll understand:

This video was compiled by someone else, so the message at the beginning is not mine. "Scream" by Zoegirl:

Monday, July 14, 2008

Eye Shots

*sigh* I know I've previously posted fully-faced pics of me on here, but I've decided that eye shots/ partial face shots of me would be a better idea....let's just say that I've heard a lot of horror stories! :-{ You guys know what I look like anyway, so no visual presentation of me would perhaps be...the best idea of all!!! :-) I'm feeling humble today.. :-)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Latest on K, K, and K!

I hope everyone had a fantastic 4th and holiday week/weekend!

Jamal, the girls, and I just got back from our vacay in Ft. Lauderdale. We traveled down on the third so we could participate in the celebrations for the Fourth of July; we then spent the week there. We had a FANTASTIC time. Jamal and I had never before taken a vacation with just us and our daughters. We always had other wonderful family members along; this time, we were all on our own!! :) Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae were truly a delight, though. I think back to our trip to Cancun when Kajanae was 2 1/2 months old in early April for my sisters' Spring Break. If I thought she was a laid back baby then, well...she's so easy now! This trip with a 5 1/2 month-old baby was so much more relaxing and ...shall we say predictable?...than the trip we took just three short months ago. Kajanae is a little trooper and loves being a part of everything. She slept a lot less during the day during our vacation because she was afraid she was going to miss out! All I have to do to keep her happy is carry her around facing outward so she can watch, observe, and "participate" in all ways that she can! I mentioned before that Kaji was very alert and focused for her age when she was very young, and this has only improved with her growth and development. She's content to watch her sisters and is very focused and engaged on everything they say...and LOVES watching them play and pretend together. I think Kajanae is going to have an advantage in terms of learning to speak and building a vocabulary as she has two little role models who gab, gab, gab all day long! This little one is also going to keep me on my toes once she becomes mobile!

While I'm writing about Kajanae, I'll just mention the fact that I haven't begun feeding her solid food yet. As soon as the doc gave me the go-ahead with Kimora and Kariah, I plunged head first into feeding them solid food (rice cereal, baby food, etc.) However, Kajanae still seems content to nurse. Then again, she doesn't know any different. I think I'll begin soon, considering she'll hit the six month mark within the next week and a day!

...and while I'm writing about nursing, I'll also mention that Kariah's interest in nursing has begun to wane. This is bittersweet for me. I'm glad that my little Kariah is showing some independence, but I also lament the fact that my little baby is leaving babyhood...and becoming more and more like a little girl everyday. I asked her when she wants to stop nursing, and she said she wants to stop when she turns 2. Kariah turns 2 next month, so we'll see if she still feels the same way when the time comes! ;) Part of me hopes that she IS ready to move on, but the other part of me wants to hold on to our nursing,which has served to strengthen our mother/daughter bond.

Now for a little bit of Kimora news: I mentioned in a previous post about searching for a local preschool for Kimora to attend part time next year to prepare her for going to kindergarten in two years. I wanted something more academic than simply a daycare, but I didn't want the intense pressure of a Montessori school. After much deliberation, I think I've found what I feel will be the perfect fit for our daughter. I've registered her at a preschool that, as I've observed, effectively combines learning and play. She will begin attending two days a week for a few hours in the morning come autumn! Kimora already talks proudly about starting school in the fall. I'll miss my little Kimora Pie those two mornings a week, but I think she'll benefit from being away from me for small portions of time leading up to her beginning kindergarten fall of 2010.

That's all for now! I'll also keep you informed as we continue our homestudy process in preparation for adding to our family...AGAIN!! :)