Urban Mommy Kx5

Update on Coping with the Loss of Corinne

2009-05-26T18:27:00.009-04:00

I feel like I'm not healing as quickly from the loss of my sister as I should be. My focus has been on helping others who are grieving, and I can only really let my hair down and focus on my own pain when I'm speaking with my husband. Even then, though, I feel guilty and selfish for wallowing in despair and my mind quickly turns to others who NEED me: my mother, my daddy, Acaijah, Ciahnna, and Corinne's boyfriend of two-and-a-half years. My other brothers and sisters have been an immense support. I don't know what I'd do without them...we're going to get through this. We're a strong family and our ties are too strong to break because what binds us is stronger than blood: we're bound by love.

Yesterday Jamal took me out while Jaslene watched the kids. We had a late dinner, so when we took a walk in the park afterwards it was close to midnight. My shoulders started to tremble, which he felt under his arm. He prompted me to let it all out...say what I needed to say, etc. I ended up yelling into the night, "I'M SOOO ANGRY!!! I'M SOOO SAD!!"

"WHY? TELL US WHY!," Jamal prompted.

"BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO YOUNG...TOO TOO YOUNG! I NEED HER! I MISS HER! OUR FAMILY ISN'T THE SAME!!"

"WHY ISN'T OUR FAMILY THE SAME? SCREAM IT, BABY. LET IT OUT!"

"BECAUSE THERE'S A SPOT THAT'S MISSING AT THE TABLE; THERE'S A SPOT THAT'S MISSING IN OUR HEARTS. SHE SHOULD STILL BE WITH US!!! SHE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS!!! SHE'S GONE! WHY COULDN'T SOMEONE HORRID AND MENACING BE REMOVED FROM THE WORLD, NOT MY CORINNE!! NOT OUR SISTER WITH A JEWEL OF A HEART!!!"

I collapsed into my husband crying. He held me so close and so tight and we cried together for a long, long time. Afterwards I felt so exhausted, but I also felt another feeling that's hard to describe: cleansed, purged perhaps. A weight had been lifted. When it was just me and Jamal together, I could crumble. I didn't have to keep up the facade of being ok. I didn't have to be the strong one. I'm so blessed to have that man of great strenghth backing me up and supporting me in every facet of my life. Before meeting Jamal, I never realized it was possible to love another human being so much.

I don't want to push the issue with the children too much considering they're so young. However, I have implemented several things to help them cope. These ideas are sort of adapted Supernanny ideas. I've put up a Feelings Chart and made many different faces with all different expressions on them. Karmello, Kimora, and Kariah each have a row on the chart with a column for each day of the week. They can change the face as what they're feeling changes. I know they sense the sadness and stress of family members even though they don't fully understand. I want them to have an outlet and be allowed to express their emotions without feeling like they have to submerge what they're feeling. This has worked so well and has prevented several tantrums. When my little ones don't know how to express what they feel inside, they understandably become very frustrated. Instead of having a meltdown, they can go over to the chart and stick up whatever face represents their current mood.

I've also given each of them a box that I let them decorate and label, for example, "Karmello's Thought Box." All three of them have their own thought box. Since they're too young to put sentences together in writing, most of what they've placed in their Thought Boxes have been pictures. At the end of each day, Jamal or I sit with them individually and they show and tell us what they drew. Pictures of Aunt Corinne have made it onto more than a few Thought Box pictures.

I hope that the chart and boxes give Karmello, Kimora, and Kariah media through which to express their feelings and be heard in the midst of the emotional upheaval.

Kaydence

2009-05-14T19:36:00.007-04:00

According to Merriam-Webster's Dictionary:

Cadence-

1 a: a rhythmic sequence or flow of sounds in language b: the beat, time, or measure of rhythmical motion or activity 2 a: a falling inflection of the voice b: a concluding and usually falling strain; specifically : a musical chord sequence moving to a harmonic close or point of rest and giving the sense of harmonic completion 3: the modulated and rhythmic recurrence of a sound especially in nature

This little baby.....

lives up....

to her name.

Kaydence.

She takes Psalm 98:4 quite seriously: "Let all the earth send out a glad cry to the Lord; sounding with a loud voice, and praising him with songs of joy."

Kaydence is never quiet. She is always making a joyful noise; a sweet melody is always coming from her little mouth. One of the greatest blessings of my day is being able to hear the cadence of her sweet little voice. Whether singing, "Jesus Loves Me" or rapping a hip hop lyric, Kaydence has proved herself to be quite the little musician in the making. ;-) She can literally spend 45 minutes straight sitting at our piano and pressing down the keys, singing along with her piano compositions ;-). She even makes up lullabies for Kajanae which, of course, is absolutely necessary considering Kajanae is Kaydence's "baybay". (As a side note, I think it's hysterical that when I ask Kaydence if she's a baby she shakes her head "no" very adamantly but considers Kaji very much a baby, what with always trying to hold her, kiss her, and saying "MY baybay Ka-ah-nay." ) :-D

So, if Kaydence is ever a famous singer or ivory-tickler, buy her CDs and tickets to her concerts! *kidding* ;-). Whether or not she's the next Alicia Keys, Kaydence's passion and joy in music is evident, and her bursting forth in song brings joy to those around her. Sing on little girl, sing on.

Sometimes the Night Haunts Me

2009-05-11T03:29:00.007-04:00

Not because of fear..not because of regret. But when all the world is quiet (and even in the big city, way up here in our high rise can get pretty quiet, especially with the AC running which blocks out a lot of noise), I begin thinking. The darkness doesn't scare, it placates. The solitude isn't lonely, it's peaceful. But the night haunts me because of the deep thinking that it facilitates for me. I begin to think about my family and my goals. I think about Corinne, and how she lived more in her short 18 years than most people do in a lifetime. I think about my mother, who barely got through Mother's Day today after just having lost a child. I think about each of my five babies, ways I can be a better mommy to them, and how I'm so very thankful for the privilege of being their mommy (I know I say this ALL the time, but I truly am so blessed!). I stare at my husband sleeping, not in a creepy way, but in a manner of admiration. (The funny thing is, even if I'm quiet as a mouse, he senses when I'm awake and will then wake up, too. I'm actually surprised he hasn't come into the library looking for me yet.) At any rate, while in college I found it difficult to stay awake at all hours to study, nighttime is now a time of deep thinking and reflection for me now that I'm in my late twenties. It's a time that I enjoy mulling over ideas and contemplating "the big questions", so we'll see if anything comes of it. I'll be sure to record any flashes of brilliance I may have (ha!).

But since it is Mother's Day, or I suppose that was technically yesterday, I'll close with an adorable little poem that I came across:

I Like You Best

Elizabeth Laing Thompson

After dark, I like you best:

Day fades to gray,

Moonlit fingers paint stripes across your bed, your face.

I tiptoe in and rest a palm across your back

to feel you breathe--

up and down, the rise and fall;

I lean in close to breathe the sweet clean milk of you,

to feel the warmth of life

flowing in and out, in and out as you dream.

You sigh.

And I smile--serene, content--

This is my sunset.

When you're asleep, I like you best.

At day's first light, I like you best:

Dawn brings a gentle scratching,

the swish-swish of chubby elbows and knees and button nose

scrabbling against the sheets.

Then one little grunt, and soon another;

soft coos and squeals crescendo to a chorus

of joyful babbles to salute the day--

my alarm clock.

I shuffle in,

eyes bleary, all-over weary, heart warming--

and peek around the doorframe.

Two bright chipmunk eyes, two black buttons

peer up at me between the slats.

Eyes twinkle, cheeks crinkle, nose wrinkles;

rosebud lips send fireworks sparkling across the morning--

This is my sunrise.

When you're awake, I like you best.

From my good-morning sunrise to my lullaby sunset

and my every hour in between;

from your first cry to my last breath,

until the echo of us fades, our souls' footprints blow away--

That's when I like you best.

I love you, Kx5!

New Pics.....

2009-05-01T15:08:00.003-04:00

.....of Kx5 on the sidebar. It's hard to tell with just eyeshots, but they've grown up so much! Some of the pics are strange dimensions, but I wanted to be able to capture at least a little bit of their hair. I love how they all resemble each other (biological or not), yet are very unique in appearance as well as personality. I love me some Kx5!

Thank You

2009-04-21T17:00:00.003-04:00

Thank you all for your lovely messages of support. I know that many people are thinking and praying for our family during this difficult time. Please think especially about the children as they are being forced to deal with death at such a young age. They don't understand why someone who has always been present in their lives, someone that they saw and gave hugs and smooches to on a daily basis, is no longer around. The three oldest K's will tell people that Corinne is in heaven living with Jesus and that we will see her again when it's time for us to go and live in heaven, but their understanding is still obviously limited. We don't really talk about death because as far as we're concerned, Corinne is still living, just not right here with us. That thought helps a bit, but it doesn't help when I just wish with such a longing that my beautiful sister were right here beside me. I know we'll meet again one day, but for right now there's a hole, an absence....and that's hard.

Nevertheless, thank you all for writing to me and letting me feel your love and support. I hope to disclose more as I become capable of writing more specifics without "losing it" emotionally. Love you all.

I Miss....

2009-04-01T21:25:00.016-04:00

Your doe eyes.....

The texture of your hair......

Your loving auntie hands....

Your deuces and kissy-face for every pic....

Your spunk.....

Your diva-tudes.....

Your free spirit.....

Your beautiful soul.

I Knew You For A Moment

2009-03-20T18:03:00.003-04:00

~Corinne Zar’ya _______~

April 23, 1990 – January 7, 2009

Beloved daughter, sister, granddaughter, aunt, niece, cousin, girlfriend, and friend

“If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say good-bye,
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow,
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more,
To remember all the happy times.
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today,
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.

I Knew you for a Moment.”

~Author Unknown

I am the Lord's servant; be it unto me as you have said...

2008-12-24T14:28:00.004-05:00

......says the young virgin Mary after receiving news that she would become pregnant and bear the Son of the Most High. Here she was...a young, engaged teenager who had been virtuous and remained chaste...and she was told that she would become pregnant outside of wedlock, a crime punishable by death in her time and culture. Nevertheless, Mary believed in the fulfillment of the things spoken to her by the Lord through the angel Gabriel. Mary was blessed for taking God at His word, for believing Him in the midst of a seemingly impossible situation and for believing His seemingly impossible promise.

This Christmas season has made my youngest sister Ciahnna especially attentive to the Christmas story from Mary's point of view as Ciahnna is 15, the same age that Mary was believed to have been when she gave birth to Jesus. Cici and I have spent considerable time discussing Mary's complete humanity, complete faith in God, and complete blessedness. Ciahnna and I both would like to be more like Mary and proclaim that we are servants of the Lord and desire to have everything befall us as the Lord wills.

Luke 1

46 And Mary said, My soul does magnify the Lord,

47 And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.

48 For he has regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from now on all generations shall call me blessed.

49 For he that is mighty has done to me great things; and holy is his name.

50 And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.

51 He has showed strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.

52 He has put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.

53 He has filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he has sent empty away.

54 He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;

55 As he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.

The Spirit of Adoption

2008-12-21T21:54:00.001-05:00

“Ye have received the spirit of adoption, whereby we cry ‘Abba, Father.’” I’ve had this verse on my sidebar for quite some time now. However, this verse is more pertinent now than ever before.

For the past three weeks our family has been celebrating and adjusting to the arrival of two new family members. As planned, all finalities were completed for our pending adoption by the day after Thanksgiving. The following Monday, Karmello and Kaydence came home. I honestly feel like I forget what our lives were like before the arrival of these two precious blessings. What a reason to be thankful during that Thanksgiving season!

Both Karmello and Kaydence have been adjusting very well and are reaching attachment/bonding milestones right on time.

Kimora and Kariah have also adjusted amazingly well and have shown themselves to be flexible, easy-going little girls. Karmello and Kimora are attached at the hip now; sometimes they include Kariah, and sometimes they choose not to. That proves to be a challenge.

Before coming to us, Kaydence had not learned to walk. She was simply content to crawl about on all fours. Kimora and Kariah both walked before they were a year old, so I was a little shocked that Kaydence at 15 months had not yet begun. During these past three weeks I’ve worked with her a little bit, walking around the penthouse helping her walk (you know, with me standing behind her and her little hands curled around my pointer fingers). I know she’ll take off on her own when she’s ready, but she’s already shown substantial progress….she just needed a little individual attention, which was something that could be rarely given her at the foster home.

Kaydence continues to call me “MOOOMeeeeeeee.” Karmello prefers “Lia.” Hmmmm..ok. For now. I don’t blame the poor kid. He’s almost four years old and has never had a mother figure in his life. Why would he be expected to come into our home and instantly dub me “mommy.” How is he to know that’s what my title is in relation to him?

Some of you may be thinking, “Well, what about the baby? What about Kajanae?” Well….as always, Kajanae has been an amazing source of joy in my life. That little pumpkin is my “ride or die” chick (don’t know what that means?...look it up on urbandictionary.com). Kaji is always with me; she’s my constant companion. If there’s going to be a late walker in our family, it’s probably going to be Kajanae. I NEVER put that baby down!! People have jokingly asked me if she’s cemented to my hip. Yep. I believe she is. Actually we’ve scheduled a surgery to do just that. She won’t ever have to be without me; I won’t ever have to be without her!!

One other thing that I want to be sure I mention so as to not confuse my readers is that my sister Jaslene comes over every weekday to help out with the kids. She’s not really a nanny because I’m not off on my own jaunts, but of course we pay her generously. It’s been so fun to be able to spend my days with Jaslene. I freakin’ love that woman, and so do her nieces and nephew. Before “employing” her, she would come by and hang out with us just about every evening anyway. We’re tight (crossing middle and pointer fingers). Thank you for being such a blessing Jassi!!

So……..Kx5……Karmello, Kimora, Kariah, Kaydence, and Kajanae’s Mommy. Being a mother of five children three and under has already proven to have its challenges, and surely there are more posts to follow on such incidents. But my heart is so FULL of JOY that I simply can’t focus on those challenges. The overwhelming focus is how in love I am with my kids. Normally I apologize if my blog undergoes a hiatus…but this time I just can’t bring myself to feel sorry. No worries, you all know me….I’m documenting every little “jot and tittle” in journals, scrapbooks, and baby books, so nothing is going unrecognized or forgotten. The fact is that I love my life and I’m living it, and if it happens to not show up online for everyone to read about, that’s okay!! I love my five K’s, and I’m so honored that God has chosen me to be their mommy, that He has entrusted them to my care for this short segment of eternity.

Wordless Wednesday: Caramel Apples

2008-11-05T22:50:00.002-05:00

Princess, Pippi, Pepper

2008-11-02T19:35:00.004-05:00

Three P's for our three K's! This year for Halloween, Kimora dressed up as a princess, Kariah as Pippi Longstocking, and Kajanae as a chili pepper. Our evening was filled with pumpkin whoopie pies, caramel apples, gingerbread cake with lemon sauce, apple cider, and pumpkin chocolate chip bread. We all exhibited great self-control and portion moderation, of course! ;)

Jamal and I took all three girls trick-or-treating through several neighborhoods Friday evening. Jamal, Princess Kimora, and Pippi Kariah Longstocking ran ahead a bit, and I was left just slightly behind with little Kaji. Hanging back with my baby gave me a bit of peace and some time to think....I thought about our family of five. I thought about last Halloween when we had just two kids- Kimora and Kariah. I thought about next Halloween when we go trick-or-treating, we'll have two additional little ones running/toddling ahead with daddy. How my life has changed in the past few years, and what a blessing that I wouldn't change a single thing! Taking a deep breath of the clear night air, I could smell familiarity mingled with exciting change. Looking around me, dear Atlanta looked to me how it always has, yet there was something new and intangible ready to burst from its fringes. Well, one change since last year was indeed very tangible; I looked down at the baby in my arms and thanked the Lord for Kajanae for probably the millionth time these past 9 months. I was jarred back to reality with the voice of Kariah calling me from ahead; she had become concerned that I would get lost if I didn't keep up with them. LOL! :) I looked up at Jamal, Kimora, and Kariah and said to Kajanae, "C'mon, Baby Girl, let's go get 'em," and cuddled my chili pepper close. :)

Not Me! Monday

2008-10-27T15:05:00.006-04:00

After reading McMama's Blog for about a month, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon and post a "Not me!" Monday blog post. If you're a regular mycharmingkids.net reader, you may recognize one of my "not me's" as I had a similar experience to McMama. This week:

1) I did not cry on Saturday when I realized Kariah is finally done nursing after 26 months of life. Nope, not me. Didn't do it!

2) I absolutely did not make a mess of my new, magazine-ready kitchen making caramel apples with Kimora and Kariah...complete with sprinkles...and lots of stickiness. I did not attempt this without the help of another adult, as that would be foolish. No, not me.

3) I did not blow a gasket when a stranger commented on Kimora and Kariah's "good hair" and about how it doesn't look like Kajanae is going to have "good hair." I did not feel like spewing poison from between my teeth or shrieking in her face, "Leave my baby the heck alone!" I did not feel like using more severe language than "heck." Nope, certainly not me. Huh-uh!!

4) I did not feel like fainting when I saw FIVE carseats in the back of my vehicle after installing Karmello and Kaydence's carseats. I didn't pause for a moment to contemplate how I managed to accumulate five children over the course of 3.5 years.

5) I did not finally relent to Jamal's request to keep the pole in our bedroom that came with the highrise, and I was not amused by his joke that couple pole dancing lessons would be fun. A wholesome prude like me, I should think not!

6) I have not recently felt the strong, insatiable desire to be pregnant again. Nope. Not me!

With My Frappuccino in Hand....

2008-10-10T19:45:00.004-04:00

Would you believe that I’m actually out at Starbucks, BY MYSELF with my computer, drinking a Frappuccino, finally updating this poor neglected blog? I can’t believe it either. Jamal pushed me out the front door (more like into the elevator), insisting I take a "me time" evening. How amazing is he? ;)

Before I begin, I’d like to issue an official apology to my regular readers! Those of you who I see on a weekly, if not daily, basis have naturally remained updated on the goings-on in our family. However, if we rely on this online venue to keep connected, then I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. I have, however, been regularly checking my personal and online emails in case someone was REALLY trying to contact me. Some of you have asked for my email, but I get my email through my husband’s practice; for this reason, I don’t give out my personal email as it would be too exposing. However, if you make an account on hellorazzi.com I can email you through that site, or if you have a blog of your own, just leave the address in a comment to me (I won’t post it if you’d rather I not). I’ll be sure to come by and visit!

Here goes:

I would put high on the list an adoption update, but there’s not really an update to give. Everything is still going as planned as far as that goes, and we plan to welcome Karmello and Kaydence by Thanksgiving. I suppose I may have a few stories to share from our visits, though. I'm also in the process of planning a homecoming party for them, which I suppose could be thought of as the parallel to a baby shower. However, I'd like them to be here for the celebration, of course, since they are the reason we'd be celebrating anyway! Kimora and Kariah are already so tight with Karmello; it's very exciting to see their relationships develop. Little baby Kaydence already calls me mommy....except it's more like "MO..meeeeeee" with the first syllable very loud and high-pitched and the second syllable lower and strung out. She shrieks and claps when she sees our family coming to visit her and her brother. Unbelievably cute!!

The item next on the list for updating is Kimora's preschool experience.

September

2- This day was described in my first post about Kimora and her preschool. Blah...'nuf said.

4- This day was described as a "Tuesday repeat"

9- This was the first day that Kimora went to school armed with the "Mommy Comes Back" song and photo of our family. These things seemed to increase her security...she seemed less anxious. Before leaving this day, I stayed a little bit again to help her get accustomed. Another tearful goodbye, but the teachers report was promising: she calmed down after about 45 minutes. I saw that Kimora had been kissing the family photo I gave her because it had a bunch of little lip prints on it.

11- It was suggested that I spray some of my perfume on Kimora's wrist so that she could smell it and feel close to me during her school day. On this day I tried that; I could tell she felt very special wearing mommy's special Baby Phat perfume.

16- Kimora continued to take the photo with her to school and wear some of my perfume. I never asked her if she sang the song I taught her, but her teachers said that they indeed heard her singing a song about Mommy, whether or not it was the exact one I intended :). Today she cried for about 45 minutes to an hour after I left (not ideal, but hey, we have to take the small victories).

18- This day we were swarmed at the door by a bunch of preschoolers, all anxious to get Kimora's attention and play with her. "Wow, my baby's popular," I couldn't help but think. Kimora seemed happy to see her little buddies, but that didn't quite override her desire to cling tightly to my leg. The teachers said that today she cried about a half our after I left.

23- I don't remember much distinct about this day....much the same as the last day, I think.

25- This day the teachers gave me a report saying that they are very impressed with Kimora's knowledge of numbers and the alphabet. Apparently they had no idea of Kimora's capabilities because she hadn't said much to them until today. They were also teaching the class numbers 1-10 in Spanish, and Kimora corrected them on their pronounciation. LOL! I can just see her doing that. "No, not 'trace'...it's 'tres!'" You know, with the tongue-rolling "r" and no dipthong on the vowel ;).

30- Kimora's teacher's rave reviews on her academic abilities seemed to coincide with Kimora's excitement about learning at school. Today she took me by her desk to show me (once again!) her nametag where she "sits and does her homeworks." How adorable is that??!!

October

2- Today was the day that Kimora hit the only-crying-for-fifteen-minutes-after-mommy-leaves benchmark. She also came home from school excited about their upcoming fieldtrip to the pumpkin patch. She also begins talking to me about specific friends by name: Amani, Kaneisha, and Isaiah.

7- Kimora continues to spend a lot of time at the art station. It never fails, there's always at least one picture of she and I together...everyday. Her teachers say that Kimora is always saying "My Mommy...." this and "My Mommy...." that. "My Mommy is coming to get me after snack." "My Mommy's favorite color is pink." They ask her, "What's YOUR favorite color, Kimora?" She says, "I like ALL the colors, but my Mommy....."

9- And...this was yesterday. It was another typically tearful goodbye, but she calmed down very shortly after I left. I'm so proud of her! Her teachers continue to be floored by her literary abilities. She did her little, "Cap. C-A-P spells Cap" thing today while writing the letters as she spells. Yes, my little 3.5 year-old...that floors us all!

So there you go! Kimora preschool update! She's come leaps and bounds if you ask me. It still is difficult to leave her as she's tearful, but I find relief in the fact that she's no longer sad the whole morning. This coming Tuesday is the field trip to the pumpkin patch, and I'm going with! :)

Octopus Woman

2008-10-09T17:35:00.004-04:00

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates! I promise a decent post within the next few days, but until then, this is me:

Some update topics coming up:

-Adoption update
-Kimora's Preschool Progress
-Out of the mouth of Kariah
-Kajanae- What's new with the baby!
-The Move
-Our new home

Mi Querida Familia :-)

2008-09-23T15:38:00.004-04:00

I thought this was immensely cute and decided to make one of what our family will look like come November. I haven't been on my computer other than to occasionally check emails and inbox messages, and I'm sorry for my regular readers who are probably feeling neglected. My blog hiatus should be over soon (possibly even today if I can carve out some time later after Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae are asleep). I have so much to share!

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

"Mommyyyyyyyy! NO NO NO NO! Mommyyyyyy!!!" tears, and tears, and tears

2008-09-08T19:55:00.005-04:00

.........yep. That was the scene of my departure...first official separation between baby girl #1 and mommy. It was Kimora's first day at preschool, and she was going to have nothing to do with it, if she had any say about it!! Being the child, poor thing, she didn't have anything to say about it. I had to leave her there in her mess of tears to fend for herself amidst unfamiliar faces and strange surroundings. I had never seen Kimora act this way; she's always been such a go-getter, the life of the party, the ringleader. But not last Tuesday. Last Tuesday she was a little 3-year-old who wanted to spend the day with her mommy, just as she was used to. I could barely hold myself together until I got to the car. Then I, too, bawled like a 3-year-old.

I was puzzled. Kimora had been SOOO excited to attend preschool in the months leading up to her first day. We talked excitedly together about the friends she would make and the fascinating stuff that she would learn! We talked about how Mommy would drop her off at school and come back home, and then come back to pick her up later. She mused about taking Karmello with her to preschool when he comes to live with us. We even went by to visit the school and have orientation; her little face lit up when she saw her classroom and was so happy to see "Kimora" on one of the nametags on the table. However, last Tuesday, the tables turned. When it came time for me to leave, she WOULD NOT let me put her down!! I stayed for a little while, talking quietly to her and pointing out the other children playing around the room. I reminded her that I'd be back before lunch to pick her up. Kimora still not convinced, I went over to the dress-up station with her and helped her put on a fairy costume I knew she'd like. I put on one of the hats and got a giggle out of her. One of her teachers came over, and I could tell she was hinting that it was high time for me to leave. Oh great, I thought. I guess I'm the proverbial overbearingly protective mother. I introduced Kimora to one of the other little girls playing dress-up, and told Kimora that she can play with (little girl's name) because Mommy has to leave, will be back, blah blah blah, I love you, *kisses*....and then began the waterworks. The teachers swooped in to try and distract her, but I know my Kimora....she won't have the wool pulled over HER eyes!!

I came to pick her up, then, before lunch. The teachers gave me a report saying that she didn't really say anything all morning, cried aloud for about an hour after I left, and then cried silently in the corner for another hour and a half. :-( I suppose some of the time she was crying was also spent at the table when they were doing their academic activities. They said that after she finished crying, she walked over to the art station and drew pictures until snack. Hearing this was unimaginably difficult. I felt so bad for my poor, poor little Kimora Pie. I felt bad that I couldn't make the transition smoother for her.

When she saw me, she was almost done with her snack and came running, barreling actually, toward me, knocking her chair over in the process. I was so happy to be reunited with Kimora; I had missed her so much that day, but I was really sad for her that she had such a rough time. :-( Before driving home I admired the pictures that she had drawn. I asked her if she played dress-up a lot, and she said she hadn't. I didn't bother asking her if she liked school; I knew the answer to that one.

Since the 3-year-olds in this program go two days a week, her next school day was Thursday. Tuesday repeat. Enough said. I'll spare you the details.

Tomorrow is Tuesday again. I'm dreading it. I hate seeing my baby cry, crying out for me, her mommy. I taught her a song this weekend that has the lyrics, "My mommy comes back, she always comes back, she never will forget me!!" I told Kimora she could sing that to herself if she gets sad at school. I also gave her a miniature family photo of us to put in her pocket so she can find comfort in looking at us. I hope these little "diddies" help ease her separation anxiety. I'll let you know....For now, Kajanae calls; she's hungry.

The New Additions to the _________ Family

2008-08-30T15:24:00.008-04:00

Yep...that's plural! Now you understand why we are in the process of moving into a six bedroom home!

Lord willing, this November we will welcome TWO new K's into our family:

Karmello Jamal

and

Kaydence Amaya

Karmello and Kaydence are biological half-siblings; they have the same biological mother; their father's identities are unknown. Karmello is 3; his birthday is in February, so he's one month older than Kimora. Kaydence just turned 1 last week. She's just about exactly one year younger than Kariah and five months older than Kajanae. We are BEYOND excited to welcome these little people into our home. I know people roll their eyes when celebrities say they are "over the moon," but I truly feel over the moon right now as the legalities are finalized, there's an end in sight to this whole process, and our family will soon be together. While my own impatience and rousing anticipation are very real to me, viewing this adoption from an outsider's perspective, this has gone amazingly quickly for several reasons:

1) We're adopting from foster care
2) We're adopting toddlers, not infants
3) Karmello and Kaydence are non-white; their mother is Puerto Rican, and by appearances, we believe their fathers to be black (we'll never be sure, though, as appearance aren't reliable in themselves)
4) Their social workers wanted to keep them together as a brother-sister pair, which also made them less "desirable" for many families
5) Both were substance-exposed prenatally and born prematurely

We've met several times already with these amazing little people, and when I first saw them, I felt instantly that they were MINE. Kaydence crawled up to me and reached her little arms up at me, wanting to be picked up...it felt almost as if we had met before. You know, that inexplicable feeling when you instantly connect with someone? I recall a similar feeling when I first met Jamal. Karmello was a little bit more inhibited, but he and Kimora hit it off right away; Kimora says that when she begins preschool next week that she wants to take Karmello with her. I keep telling her that he won't live with us until a few months later, but she insists on taking him to show him off!!

This update has been a long time in coming, and I apologize to those of you who had to wait so long to hear the details. This has just been an understandably busy time in our family as we move to a new home, prepare our girls for change, prepare to welcome Karmello and Kaydence, deal with the legalities of the adoption, prepare to send Kimora to preschool for the first time, and sell our old home. To those of you who have known about our decision to adopt Karmello and Kaydence for practically as long as we have and have supported us through it all, thank you so much for your continuous love and support. Karmello and Kaydence will be blessed to have you in their lives as Jamal, Kimora, Kariah, Kajanae and I have been blessed. And thanks babe for being my lover, my best friend, and my partner in crime through this whole adventure.

Signing off for now,
Karmello, Kimora, Kariah, Kaydence, and Kajanae's Mommy....aka Kx5

One Step at a Time....sigh

2008-08-26T18:04:00.006-04:00

I promised an adoption update, but I don't really know how to describe how I feel right now...You all know that I'm rarely speechless, but I think this song does a great job of conveying where I'm at right now in this whole process. "Hurry up and wait" is the name of the game right now, even though there have been some happenings and decisions made recently that will ultimately move the process along. Even though I'm thankful and feel very blessed for the progresses made, my control freak nature is rearing its ugly head...and I find myself wanting our entire family to be together. Complete. RIGHT NOW!! God's timing, not mine...His perfect timing, not mine. As this wise young woman sings, "It's gonna happen when it's supposed to happen." I believe that, even amidst my impatience. :-) Blessings all.

To Bless Your Garden of Friendships:

2008-08-21T19:16:00.003-04:00

Plant three rows of peas:
1) Peace of mind
2) Peace of heart
3) Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:
1) Squash indifference
2) Squash selfishness
3) Squash grumbling
4) Squash gossip

Plant four rows of lettuce:
1) Lettuce be faithful
2) Lettuce be kind
3) Lettuce be patient
4) Lettuce really love one another

No garden is without turnips:
1) Turnip for meetings
2) Turnip for service
3) Turnip to help one another

Maintenance requires thyme:
1) Thyme for each other
2) Thyme for family
3) Thyme for God

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love!

Party Central.....Toddler Style!!

2008-08-20T17:41:00.006-04:00

“What party theme do you want for your birthday this year, punkin boo?” This is the question that I presented to Kariah as her second birthday was approaching. For those of you who have seen and heard Kariah’s passion for “reading” and animated storytelling, it should come as no surprise that she made one of her favorite authors the guest of honor…or rather, gave him the honor of being her party theme! And her answer was...(drum roll please)....screamed at the top of her two year-old lungs...:

“Dr. Seuss!!!!!!!!!!”

None other than the rhyming genius and engineer of a reality of strange shaped objects and obscure characters himself! This was a far cry from the Princess Tea Party that I threw for Kimora’s third birthday last March, but Kariah’s request made me appreciate the unique individuality of each of my precious children for probably the one millionth time this year! Speaking of a rhyming genius, Ciahnna found that she could make Dr. Seuss’ rhymes sound like raps if she read them in just the right way. In her words, they were still a little “dopey sounding” and a bit “wack”, but her performance was quite entertaining to us nonetheless, particularly to the birthday girl and the younger party guests! While Ciahnna was showing off her rapping skills, Acaijah was dressed up as the Cat in the Hat, which was also a party hit, as you can imagine. We had a photo area set up where the kids could get their picture taken with the Cat in front of a Dr. Seussy-looking background (you know, we drew some Whos and a makeshift Whoville with those buildings and stairs that would be impossible to actually construct three-dimensionally!).

Everything from the invitations to the food to the games to the craft fell in line with the Dr. Seuss theme. We played a partnered relay that we called “Thing 1 and Thing 2 Relay” and also pin the tail on the elephant (the elephant from Horton Hears a Who). We had a station set up where kids could go fishing for paper fish with paper clips on them that they caught using fishing rods with magnets on the ends (from One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish). Our dining room was decked out with a banner that read, “Kariah I Am” instead of “Sam I Am”. “Kariah I Am” doesn’t rhyme, of course…but we thought it was cute anyway! Kimora and Kariah had their hair fixed like Cindy Loo Who for the party, which was absolutely adorable. For the craft, the children (and some adults ;) ) made crazy hats with party hats, feathers, sequins, etc., reminiscent of The Five Hundred Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins.

Of course, the food had to honor the chosen theme, too! We had little sandwiches cut in the shapes of letters for Dr. Seuss' ABCs. The highlight of lunch was the green eggs and ham! However, the ham was actually tofu ham, but the kids didn’t know the difference…they were too enthralled with the green color!! We polished off lunch with a cake that looked like the cake on a rake in The Cat in the Hat.

We stated on the invitations that gifts aren’t necessary but that we would appreciate a donation to help buy books for the Atlanta Children's Shelter "Read to Me" program. Many people made donations AND bought Kariah gifts, which wasn’t the idea!!!! But thank you all for coming and for your generosity. Your presence and your children’s presence at Kariah’s birthday party is what made the event a celebration! Special thanks to all of you who helped me pull off this special party for Kariah (*ahem, ahem* mom, Jamal, sissies, and Miss Kimora *wink, wink*). The day was an absolute HIT with the adults, the children, and most importantly, the birthday girl herself.

Happy Birthday Kariah Chanel, and many more!!! Perhaps Dr. Seuss said it best with, "Oh, the places you'll go!" Love you big much - Mommy

Happy Birthday Kariah Chanel!!!!!!

2008-08-17T20:50:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Kariah,
Happy Birthday to you!

That's all for now; I'm off to spend more time with my birthday girl! I know it's been a while since I've posted (like, a seriously long, long, time!), but we've been very busy with recent developments. More to come....about Kariah's birthday and other updates..soon, I promise! :)

Never Neverland

2008-08-05T17:15:00.003-04:00

The only way that Kajanae will fall asleep now is if I play this song and walk around her nursery with her! While I know I should be working on fostering independence, she's my little baby, and I enjoy putting her to sleep in my arms. I must say, my little girl has great taste in music!! :) Instead of "nobody wants to grow old" I think, "I don't want my baby to grow old"!! So here's a shout-out to my little sweetie pie koala bear..her favorite lullaby. :)

Muffin Tin Monday

2008-08-03T15:56:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow is Muffin Tin Monday! What is this sacred holiday, you may ask? Muffin Tin Monday is a weekly holiday designed specifically for little ones bored with eating lunch. Make lunch fun, and serve lunch in a muffin tin! In each compartment, put a different food: cheese, crackers, grapes, goldfish, carrots, pretzels, sliced peaches, cucumbers, etc....each in their own special mini compartment. Easy for mommy...delightful for child(ren)!! Try it today!! (or rather, tomorrow) :)

In This Season

2008-07-27T18:19:00.006-04:00

It wasn't too long ago that my life was anything but small. Before having children, I had traveled to nine different countries. I had graduated from a large university, where I met thousands and thousands and thousands of people during my time there. I was constantly on tour up and down the East Coast, performing in musicals, singing, acting, and dancing with our university group. I had performance arts schools admissions personnel and modeling agencies beating down my door.

I felt like I had seen the world, and more importantly, impacted it. In my mind, there was nothing I couldn't do. The world was at my fingertips, brimming with unknown possibilities...

Yet. What degree was I so diligently pursuing at this great university? A Masters degree in Education. Despite my performance talents, I felt God tugging me in a different direction, a different venue through which to impact the world- teaching children.

I had a job offer right away, so I was able to jump into teaching the subsequent year after graduation. I taught for a year and loved it. But God filled my womb with an unexpected miracle: Kimora. So, unable to commit my time and energy to teaching when I needed to dedicate my time energy to my baby, I became a stay at home mommy.

Fast forward 17 months.

*bam* Kariah enters the picture…this time a planned miracle.

Fast forward 17 months.

*bam* Kajanae enters the picture…she was also a planned miracle.

Fast forward 6 months.

*bam*….and we’re beginning the process of adding to our family for the fourth time, this time through adoption.

I will raise these children to the best of my ability…love them..cherish them. But, then when they’re all in school, I’ll pick up where I left off. Pursuing my dreams. Because really, this whole stay-at-home mommy thing is just a season. Nothing more, right?

Funny how my sphere of influence has drastically shrunk from thousands to four: Jamal. Kimora. Kariah. Kajanae.

As my world continues to function on a “smaller” scale, our hearts continue to grow for the "small" things that God has set before us. Because as we now prepare to bring our fourth Little Person into our family, I realize that my dreams have changed.

Maybe some would say that it's been a decrease in vision...a waste in talent....But I'd say it's become a more fine-tuned hope that Yes, there is most definitely something around the corner. Something bigger than I ever thought about before...

My children's unfolding destinies.

...their knowledge of a Kingdom and Creator yet unseen..their solid confidence that will continue to build them up when the world tears them down...their ability to truly love because they were loved.

While I have felt called to be a teacher, I now wonder about my interpretation of that vocation.

My interpretation was by the world's standards: A classroom...students...success. God would get the glory. I'd get the paycheck. Perfect. Thanks God.

But now I have to wonder as *revelation* hits my heart. I may very well be called in this season of my life to be my children’s teacher.

TD Jakes writes this of his sons, "...I know that they are manuscripts yet to be written and songs waiting to be sung. To the world I say get ready for them. They are being printed at this very moment and soon to be published. They will be well worth reading."

I know this is the case for my own little ones, as well.

I haven’t by any means forfeited the idea of teaching in a classroom again when my kids are older, which is what I still at this point intend to do...I just want to remain always open and ever-discerning of God’s will in my life...during EVERY season. This is the mindset I want to have, considering my life has so far been surprises galore. ;)

Untitled

2008-07-18T20:16:00.006-04:00

I don't talk much about my childhood, even to the ones I'm closest to. Unless we're super tight, you probably haven't heard me say anything beyond a few vague, dismissive phrases regarding my experiences before I came to my family at age ten. When I first heard this song, bottled-up tears poured down my face as I heard myself as a little girl (figuratively) singing this. My comfort is knowing that the baby or child that will soon become part of our family will be one less child to experience such pain and isolating solitude...even though I wasn't quite alone, was I? Watch this and you'll understand:

This video was compiled by someone else, so the message at the beginning is not mine. "Scream" by Zoegirl:

Eye Shots

2008-07-14T19:07:00.002-04:00

*sigh* I know I've previously posted fully-faced pics of me on here, but I've decided that eye shots/ partial face shots of me would be a better idea....let's just say that I've heard a lot of horror stories! :-{ You guys know what I look like anyway, so no visual presentation of me would perhaps be...the best idea of all!!! :-) I'm feeling humble today.. :-)

The Latest on K, K, and K!

2008-07-13T15:48:00.003-04:00

I hope everyone had a fantastic 4th and holiday week/weekend!

Jamal, the girls, and I just got back from our vacay in Ft. Lauderdale. We traveled down on the third so we could participate in the celebrations for the Fourth of July; we then spent the week there. We had a FANTASTIC time. Jamal and I had never before taken a vacation with just us and our daughters. We always had other wonderful family members along; this time, we were all on our own!! :) Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae were truly a delight, though. I think back to our trip to Cancun when Kajanae was 2 1/2 months old in early April for my sisters' Spring Break. If I thought she was a laid back baby then, well...she's so easy now! This trip with a 5 1/2 month-old baby was so much more relaxing and ...shall we say predictable?...than the trip we took just three short months ago. Kajanae is a little trooper and loves being a part of everything. She slept a lot less during the day during our vacation because she was afraid she was going to miss out! All I have to do to keep her happy is carry her around facing outward so she can watch, observe, and "participate" in all ways that she can! I mentioned before that Kaji was very alert and focused for her age when she was very young, and this has only improved with her growth and development. She's content to watch her sisters and is very focused and engaged on everything they say...and LOVES watching them play and pretend together. I think Kajanae is going to have an advantage in terms of learning to speak and building a vocabulary as she has two little role models who gab, gab, gab all day long! This little one is also going to keep me on my toes once she becomes mobile!

While I'm writing about Kajanae, I'll just mention the fact that I haven't begun feeding her solid food yet. As soon as the doc gave me the go-ahead with Kimora and Kariah, I plunged head first into feeding them solid food (rice cereal, baby food, etc.) However, Kajanae still seems content to nurse. Then again, she doesn't know any different. I think I'll begin soon, considering she'll hit the six month mark within the next week and a day!

...and while I'm writing about nursing, I'll also mention that Kariah's interest in nursing has begun to wane. This is bittersweet for me. I'm glad that my little Kariah is showing some independence, but I also lament the fact that my little baby is leaving babyhood...and becoming more and more like a little girl everyday. I asked her when she wants to stop nursing, and she said she wants to stop when she turns 2. Kariah turns 2 next month, so we'll see if she still feels the same way when the time comes! ;) Part of me hopes that she IS ready to move on, but the other part of me wants to hold on to our nursing,which has served to strengthen our mother/daughter bond.

Now for a little bit of Kimora news: I mentioned in a previous post about searching for a local preschool for Kimora to attend part time next year to prepare her for going to kindergarten in two years. I wanted something more academic than simply a daycare, but I didn't want the intense pressure of a Montessori school. After much deliberation, I think I've found what I feel will be the perfect fit for our daughter. I've registered her at a preschool that, as I've observed, effectively combines learning and play. She will begin attending two days a week for a few hours in the morning come autumn! Kimora already talks proudly about starting school in the fall. I'll miss my little Kimora Pie those two mornings a week, but I think she'll benefit from being away from me for small portions of time leading up to her beginning kindergarten fall of 2010.

That's all for now! I'll also keep you informed as we continue our homestudy process in preparation for adding to our family...AGAIN!! :)

New Pics!

2008-06-28T18:18:00.002-04:00

I put new pics of the girls on the sidebar! Enjoy! :)

The Next Step

2008-06-27T16:44:00.004-04:00

Many of you have noticed the little picture and verse on my sidebar with the label "The Next Step" placed above. With others of you, Jamal and I have discussed this new development extensively and in detail. Thank you for your input, your encouragement, and your prayers.

We are happy and proud to announce that next week we begin the adoptive family assessment. Our family will be participating in joint and individual interviews, as well as home visits. After these interviews and visits, we'll be able to begin putting together our family profile. If this is the venue that we ultimately choose, an expectant mother looking for a family for her baby will select us and we'll have probably a semi-open adoption. The other option we are still considering is adopting from foster care, which is how my siblings and I were adopted, of course. We are still in the process of making this decision (between infant adoption and adopting from foster care), but are very excited to at least be starting the process and moving in the right direction with our adoptive family assessment.

For me, it comes down to this old story:

This story tells of a young man who was walking along the seashore. Far ahead of him, he saw a distant figure: someone who like him was walking, but who paused every few steps, stooped down, and seemed to be throwing something into the sea. His curiosity aroused, the young man hurried forward, his feet awkward in the sand, as he tried to catch up with the man.

As he came closer, he saw that it was an old man, and the reason that he would stop every step or two was to pick up a starfish and fling it into the ocean. It was only then that the young man noticed the thousands of starfish that littered the beach for miles, stranded there by the tide.

The young man felt a rising sense of anger. What the old man was doing seemed so pointless, and he couldn't wait to catch up to him to tell him so. By the time the young man came abreast of the older man, he was out of breath.

"Why are you doing this?" he gasped. "You can't save all of these starfish! It's useless! What does it matter?"

The old man paused for a moment, looking down at the crusty starfish he'd just picked up. He turned it over slowly, then answered. "It matters to this one," he said and with a slow, deliberate motion, he tossed it back into the sea, into life.

If God allows, I want to be the one who makes a difference in the life of a child, because it matters to this one.

For Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae

2008-06-19T18:34:00.004-04:00

This song is written by Mark Harris and is called "Find Your Wings."

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly.

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-14T16:51:00.002-04:00

A special shout-out to the love of my life:

Dedicated to the father of my children. I love you.

Summer 2008

2008-06-07T17:37:00.002-04:00

The following is a list of “to do” activities that I hope to accomplish with my girls this summer:

-camp out as a family for a night in Aunt Jacinta’s backyard (we’ve already approved this with Jamal’s sister who graciously offered her ample suburban lawn for “camp out” as sleeping outside in our neighborhood would simply not be smart!)

-make fruit smoothies, and maybe even a coffee one for mommy (!)

-jump through the garden sprinkler in bathing suits

-go swimming in a community pool (a many-time event, if last summer was any indication)

-spend a week in Ft. Lauderdale

-begin to potty train Kariah

-spend time with mommy (this is a direct Kimora quote)

-attend Tyrel and Nia’s wedding and celebrate with them

-paint our toenails

-pack a picnic and spend the afternoon at the park

-visit Imagine It! children’s museum

-Daddy and Mommy dates with each individual child

-teach Kajanae to talk (another Kimora quote)

-read (Kariah’s suggestion, except her version sounded more like “weed”)

-celebrate Kariah’s 2^nd birthday in August!

-allow girls to pick out pretend dress-up outfits from a vintage thrift shop

-host an English tea party with church mother/daughter friends

-travel to Philly (as time permits)

- ?

What’s fantastic about this list is that the joy will not be in crossing the item of the list, but rather in experiencing each one with my babies! Happy summer!

A Note of Reassurance to the Correveidiles of the World

2008-06-01T17:06:00.004-04:00

Apparently I have people "up in arms" in regards to my last post. I honestly don't mean to be mysterious; many of my faithful blog readers already know our family's plans from conversations that we've had personally. For the rest of you, rest assured that I won't leave you all in the dark forever...we're still in the "pre-game" stages...so you'll have to be patient, too! Allow me to let you in on a little secret: we're going to be in for a tremendous about of WAITING ourselves!! So...take a deep breath, say a prayer for us if you have the chance, and feel free to write me a comment, shoot me an email, or give me a call if you want to talk more. ;-)

Frustrating...Baffling...A Blessing

2008-05-24T17:09:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wish that I could know and comprehend the mind of God. Being able to "just do" has never been my forte; I'm a planner, an analyzer, a scrutinizer, a questioner...these traits of mine make simply TRUSTING a daily challenge. Each morning I take up my cross and follow my LORD, determined to lose my life for Him, which, ultimately, saves my life. Did I mention that this is a daily challenge? How can I possibly think that Lia can do things better than and understand things more fully than the Master of the Universe? How self-absorbed is that!? Why do I always feel the need to take matters into my own hands? I KNOW that God knows best...but my inquiring mind wants to understand his will and comprehend the fullness of His glory. (Just as a side note, I use the masculine pronoun when referring to God so as to minimize confusion. However, God is not male, nor is God female. God is beyond gender...just so we're clear!)

Why all of this talk about trusting God all of a sudden? Well, I've already described the "frustrating" part mentioned in the title. Now for the baffling part....We're feeling called as a family to do something that many onlookers would consider outrageous, loco, and perhaps even irresponsible. My human tendencies (they're darned things, they are!) have compelled me to resist this calling. However, my long discussions with family members, particularly with my hsuband, have led me to believe that we are indeed hearing the calling of God. Even some comments that Kimora has said recently have inspired me beyond what I ever believed a three-year-old could. Her insights spoke to my heart and the timings were uncanny. I fully believe in involving people not directly related to the situation to help us perceive and decipher what we're "hearing"....and it's pretty clear, as I said, that God has a very special plan for our family. While we're confident that God is leading us, the means through which we will fulfill this calling, and obviously the outcome, are competely unknown and still provoke me to be...well, baffled.

"Here I am, LORD. Is it I, LORD? I have heard you calling in the night. I will go, LORD, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart."

Finally, while the means and outcome are unclear, I have no doubt that they will bring incomprehensible blessings. Many times throughout my life I've felt that I've been "blessed with a burden."

"I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing." ~Ezekiel 34:26

A Whirlwind of a Spring

2008-05-18T14:49:00.009-04:00

Thank you so much to all of you who wished me a happy Mother's Day on here! You guys were very thoughtful!

This spring has been far from lacking in events and busy-ness. Nia's bridal shower went off without a hitch (nearly :-) ) and Seanice has now moved back home and graduated yesterday afternoon. Of course, we have the wedding to look forward to coming up next month, but that, thank heavens, is not my responsibility to plan! They've been busy for almost a year now with preparations for that upcoming event.

The girls are fantastic. We're looking into a part-time preschool for Kimora to begin attending in the fall, probably just two days a week. Then the next year, when she's four, she could attend the three day-a-week class. This way she has the opportunity to prep for kindergarten; I don't want her to be in for a rude awakening when she has to suddenly be away from me all day long.

Kariah is morphing into quite the little professor, if you will! She wants to "read" all day long. I'm just puzzled by a twenty-one month old who runs her little finger along each individual line of a chapter book. I'm taking advantage of this interest of hers and reading a lot of books to her, as well. One thing that Kariah has picked up that I'm not too happy about is...well...when she's excited or shocked, she'll proclaim, "Oh my GAWD!" ....and with that inflection, too! We highly discourage swearing at our house. I know that before I met Jamal that he had a bit more of a loose tongue that he would have liked. I really don't know, though, where Kariah heard this...except maybe from my younger sisters who slip every now and again, but are really doing much better than when they first came to us. Anyways, I'm nipping it in the bud. I let Kariah know that we don't say the Lord's name in vain because God tells us in the Bible not to...this usually works...but if she says it again that particular day, then she has to sit on the naughty chair (yes, we watch Supernanny!). She's learning, and I've given her some ideas of what else she could say in exciting or shocking instances.

Kajanae is growing like a weed. She will be four months old in a few days. I looked back in Kimora and Kariah's baby books, and Kajanae is bigger than what both of the girls were at this stage. I find this quite interesting; I knew that Kariah was quite a bit smaller, but I always thought that Kimora was my biggest baby. Not anymore, I guess! :) I'm really happy that Kajanae is so healthy and thriving considering I was having weight issues while I was nursing her during the first few months of her life.

I think I mentioned before that I'm feeling much better now that I count my calories and monitor my intake of key nutrients. Not only do I look curvier and more womanly (!), but I FEEL much healthier, which is far more important. I'm almost up to my pre-pregnancy weight, so we're really pleased with the progress. My nursing boobies are as big as ever, though! Hah! I wonder if they'll be a permanent fixture? If so, I'll have to gain much more weight to balance those babies out! Wow...tmi...sorry. :-)

Just Checking In

2008-05-05T16:43:00.003-04:00

Hello guys! I'm sorry I've been so delinquent in keeping up with postings. I'm hoping that I'll get back into the swing of blogging around the middle of this month. Our family has been very busy in recent weeks. My current endeavors include planning a bridal shower for my future sister-in-law (Nia, who is marrying my brother Tyrel) and helping my sister Seanice move out of her college apartment and attending all of her graduation festivities. Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae continue to thrive, becoming more and more beautiful and learning more and more each day.

On another note, I quite enjoy viewing the map that shows the location of all of my blog's visitors. The more visits, the bigger the dots; the more visitors, the more dots. Welcome readers from all over the globe. Feel free to leave a comment to let me know you've stopped by, or simply browse at your own choosing! Welcome!

Well....

2008-04-28T01:01:00.003-04:00

I got up to nurse Kajanae and couldn't fall back to sleep, so I decided to do some technical work on my poor little neglected blog. :) First, I couldn't STAND the atrocious distortion of my new picture, so I removed my profile pic and added a new page element that allows me to add a picture at its real size.

Secondly, I re-enabled my comments. I have it set so that anyone can comment; this way, even those of you who don't have a blog (or if you have a blog with wordpress instead of blogspot) can still comment. I came to this decision after discovering that I can moderate the comments!! So...yeah...I'm really excited about re-enabling this to hear everyone's comments and input...but I can determine the appropriate comments from the malicious ones, which is really the key!

I also want to give an update on my recent health issue. I'm doing much better...the counting has really brought the severe deficit of calories in my diet to my attention. When I'm taking care of everyone else, it's sooo easy to just let no breakfast slide into no lunch...and no lunch slide into a quick, dinky dinner while catering to everyone else's needs. So...I'm quickly approaching my first weight goal, which is really exciting. From my perspective, from just looking at myself, I still don't see the problem...that is, until I hop on the scale. The scale doesn't lie...and was really my saving grace because I could see the problem in a concrete form. So I can continue nursing both of my younger daughters...and I feel SOO much better now that I'm more conscientious about my food intake...more energy, and just an overall feeling of better health.

Yikes!!

2008-04-27T12:29:00.004-04:00

Well, I just changed by profile picture...and on the homepage I look like I have squinty eyes, and then on the profile page I look like my eyes are bulging all the way out of my head!! I hate pixel distortions. Oh, well..if you guys really want to see what it looks like, you'll have to click all the way through, meaning keep clicking on the pic until it's the only object on the page...then you can view it in its correct dimensions. This was taken at one of the many restaurants we visited in lovely Cancun.

My Little Baby Kajanae

2008-04-23T14:42:00.003-04:00

....is so precious to me...and I can't believe that she is officially a quarter of a year old. She's now three months as of the 21st.

Even though Kajanae is still so young, there is so much I could say about this precious little one...but words just wouldn't do it. She's irreplaceable..priceless...OURS. I still marvel over the fact that God has given her to me, to be her caregiver while she's on this earth. Kaji, I love you...I couldn't love you more...but even that is a fraction of the love that your Father in heaven has for you, precious little one. You are special. You are loved. You will do great things; this I know.

I suppose I should record some logistics as well, so that we can look back and see Kajanae's developmental progress, etc. I'm keeping a baby book for her and taking lots of photos like I'm doing with Kimora and Kariah...so I suppose this blog is sort of a secondary source of their growth and development. Recent milestones include:

~Kajanae has begun to exhibit an obvious recognition of Jamal and me; she'll still engage strangers and other lesser known faces, but she certainly prefers me, Jamal, my mother, and Corinne over others. She will search for me in a room and will often smile when she spots me!
~I speak a lot to Kaji, and she'll look directly at me and try to "talk" back.
~She seems pretty coordinated with her arms and legs...very good at pumping. Her kicks are getting stronger, too!
~When placed on her stomach, she will use her arms as support, lifting up her shoulders and head high.
~She loves to watch and observe her sisters; needless to say, Kimora and Kariah do provide interesting entertainment. Kaji will watch their antics for rather extended periods of time; she seems to be very alert and have a longer attention span than many 3 month olds.
~Kajanae weighs about 12 pounds now

Happy 1/4 Birthday little baby Kajanae Samaria!

Aunt Flo

2008-04-16T16:56:00.003-04:00

Well...Aunt Flo came to visit me for the first time since a year ago! I guess it's time to be more strict with the birth control (insert sheepish laugh). I'm telling you...I certainly haven't missed the cramps! Ugh!

Welcome Back!

2008-04-14T18:02:00.006-04:00

As of Saturday night, our entire crew was officially back in A-town. No matter how wonderful and relaxing the vacation, something about coming home just feels right!

For those unaware, this spring break trip to Cancun, Mexico was in honor of my lovely sisters, Corinne, Acaijah, and Ciahnna. They've worked very hard this year with their academic work, and we're very proud of them. :) Each was allowed to bring one friend...and Corinne brought her boyfriend. We had a marvelous time spending the days on the beach, perusing the city in the evenings, eating out, and relaxing at the lavish hotel at night.

Being a very touristy place, knowing Spanish wasn't essential. However, we had fun speaking Spanish among ourselves and ordering in Spanish at some of the restaurants...even Kimora did that!

I kept Kajanae under the umbrella the entire time and kept all three girls slathered in sun screen. Some people think that I don't have to be as diligent considering my daughters' darker complexions...not the case. SPF 50 for my babies!

Jamal, my parents, and I had to keep a sharp eye on Kimora and Kariah on the beaches. As I've mentioned before, they're fearless around water. Although Kimora is only 3, she's a good swimmer in a pool. However, the ocean is a whole different ball park! She begged us to take her out deeper in the water. When the waves broke over her head...was she phased? No sir! Jamal took her out past where the waves break with an innertube...she thought that was boring in the calmer waters! Why was I surprised? Does Kimora ever choose the calmer, more rational choice? :)

I think that Kariah knew she was getting the short end of the stick. I didn't even want Jamal to take her out because no man is a match for the ocean...even a man like Jamal. I just wasn't comfortable with a 19 month old venturing into the deep waters. I kept her along the edge and would hold her hands as she jumped the smaller waves and the other waves that had already broken and were rolling in toward the shore. When Jamal would take Kimora out in the water, I would often walk along the shore with Kariah and help her collect shells, sharks teeth, and sea glass. Sometimes Kariah would bypass the gorgeous, intricate shells for a glob of jiggly, tubular seaweed! Go figure! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before closing, one other thing that I feel necessary to mention involves my doctors appointment today. I think I mentioned before that I've lost a lot of weight since giving birth to Kajanae. I've always been thin, but I've dropped below what is considered healthy for my height (I'm 5 ft. 9 in.). I've been in denial about this because I know that I've been eating as I was before; I told my doctor that running after 3 small children must take any and all excess off of me! She didn't buy it, and she said that something's got to give. She really doesn't want to tell me that I should stop nursing Kariah (in addition to Kajanae), but that would be the next step. At this point, she wants me to count calories and keep a food log to make sure I'm eating enough to stop dropping weight. She has set a daily goal for me of 2,200 calories. To be honest, I think everyone is making a bigger deal of this than is necessary. I feel very healthy! ....but I suppose I'll humor them, because they're probably right. Self force-feeding, here I come!! :-/

Tropical Paradise

2008-04-06T23:22:00.001-04:00

Hello all! It's been a while since my blog has been updated, especially updated by me! (I actually thought about deleting Jamal's post; I planned on copying it and saving it just for my own keeping...but he acted all offended. He's just VERY into PDA...or affection at any time, for that matter. So, I'll leave it posted because I think it's sweet...but it did embarrass me just a tad! :) )

Well...the end of last week consisted of preparations for our spring break trip to Cancun this week. We arrived yesterday evening and will spend the week here! For those of you who don't know, Corinne, Acaijah, and Ciahnna have their spring break this week. They each brought a friend...well..in Corinne's case the proper moniker would be boyfriend! :)

I'd better head to bed so I can enjoy tomorrow with the rest of the crew...everyone else (in my room, at least) has long since been "knocked-out"! Take care everyone; thank you to those of you who prayed for our safe travels. Buenas noches!

Inside Every Great Man You Can Find a Woman Like a Soldier

2008-03-29T14:37:00.000-04:00

For future reference, if you don’t want me to be snooping, you shouldn’t leave your blog up signed in with password and everything, little missyyy ;-) I know you’re busy, but this needs a little updating, so I’m taking this into my own hands. Hope it’s a fun surprise for you. And while I’m at it with hijacking your site maybe I should erase that uh---embarrassing post about say um----Kariah, Kajanàe, and some unknown male getting some type of action---? Is there something I should know, Breezy Boo? Alrighty here you go, courtesy of Fabolous and Neyo, You Make Me Better, dedicated to youuu.. oh and a P.S. Don’t get too busy. Take some Lia time, okay? Heart you.

I'm a movement by myself.
But I'm a force when we're together.
Mami I'm good all by myself.
But baby you, you make me better.

You plus me, it equals better math.
Ya boy a good look but, she my better half.
I'm already bossin', already flossin'.
But why I have the cake if it ain't got the sweet frostin'?
Keepin' me on my A game.
They may flame
But shawty, we burn it up.
The sag in my swag, pep in my step.
Daddy do the Gucci, mami in Giuseppes.
Guess it's a G thing, whenever we swing.
I'mma need Coretta Scott, if I'm gonna be King.

First things first, I does what I do.
But everything I am, she's my influ.
I'm already boss, I'm already fly.
But if I'm a star, she is the sky.
And when I feel like I'm on top.
She give me reason to not stop.

And though I'm hot,
Together we burn it up.

The caked up cut, the cleaned up ice.
When shawty come around, I clean up nice.
Dynamic duo, Batman and Robin.
Whoever don't like it, it's that man problem.
And when I feel like I'm tired,
Mami be takin' me higher.
I'm on fire
But shawty we burn it up.

Inside every great man, you can find a woman like a soldier holdin' him down.

I'm a movement by myself.
But I'm a force when we're together.
Mami I'm good all by myself.
But baby you, you make me better.

:-* You gotta fix this post time clock babe. It’s way off. I’ll snoop around and see if I can fix it.

Significance

2008-03-25T19:57:00.000-04:00

Last night I was encouraged to read these words from Max Lucado in his book And the Angels Were Silent (about the last week of Christ's life before the crucifixion):

Take this quiz.

Name the ten wealthiest men in the world.
Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.
Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.
Name eight people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture or the last decade's worth of World Series winners?

How did you do? I didn't do well either. With the exception of you trivia hounds, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday too well. Surprising how quickly we forget, isn't it? And what I've mentioned above are no second-rate achievements. These are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one.

Think of three people you enjoy spending time with.
Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile.
Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time.
List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school.
Name half-a-dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? It was for me, too. The lesson? The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials, but the ones with the concern.

Thanks, Max. I needed this reminder.

A Smörgåsbord

2008-03-21T20:58:00.000-04:00

Today is Kajanae Samaria's 2 month birthday. Happy 2 months, my sparkly-eyed koala! :) As Kariah would say, "I love you big much!" Funny how you've only been with us for two months, yet I can't even imagine life without you! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Being the Friday before Easter, I would like to share a song called "How Deep the Father's Love For Us," which is very timely in our celebration of Jesus' sacrifice, the ransom from our sins, and His resurrection...the promise of new and eternal life:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
Not gifts, nor power, nor wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

And finally, please remember little Kimora as she came down with a bug yesterday. I think it must have been a 24 hour virus as she is already feeling much better, just tired. Kimora HATES to throw up and shrieks and carries on like she's dying, so just remember her if you find yourselves short of prayer requests (not likely!).

The Last Supper

2008-03-19T18:51:00.001-04:00

I’m not sure if I’ll have time to post tomorrow on Maundy Thursday, so I decided to post today what I had intended for tomorrow. This week is Holy Week, and tomorrow is the day of the Lord’s Supper.

Matthew 26

26And as they were eating, Jesus took the bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body.

27And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;

28For this is my blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.

29But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom.

30And when they had sung a hymn, they went out into the Mount of Olives.

I Corinthians 11

23For I have received of the Lord that which also I delivered unto you, that the Lord Jesus the same night in which he was betrayed took bread:

24And when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me.

25And in the same manner also he took the cup, when he had supped, saying, this cup is the new testament in my blood: this do ye, as oft as ye drink it, in remembrance of me.

I love this song, and I sing it to myself many times throughout the year:

“Eat this bread, drink this cup. Trust in me and never be hungry.

Eat this bread, drink this cup. Trust in me and you will not thirst.”

I’m sorry I can’t sing it for you because it’s truly a beautiful song. I look forward to meeting with many of you tomorrow to celebrate the Lord's Supper and give Him praise for His sacrifice for us. Love you all xoxo

Holy Cannoli!

2008-03-17T18:17:00.000-04:00

I just checked by profile page...and I'm a little creeped out. Before I posted my picture, I only had a profile view number in the 100s. Now the view count is 492! I'm not sure what to make of this...strange.

Product Pitch

2008-03-16T13:14:00.001-04:00

The following message doesn’t pertain to everyone, so if you’re a man or you’re repulsed by breastfeeding….consider yourself warned!

As many of you know, I’m tandem nursing Kariah and Kajanáe. This is the same as I did with Kimora and Kariah for a while after Kariah was born. (Tandem nursing means that you’re breastfeeding more than one child). Obviously Kariah, being 19 months, gets her primary sustenance from table food, but I still nurse her several times daily. Baby Kajanáe is solely dependent on my breast milk for her “food,” as she is not even 2 months old yet.

What I’m building up to is…well…”the girls,” if you will, (and I’m not referring to my children) get worked pretty hard. When three people are dependent upon my boobs, (oops, did I only mention two people? Well, there’s three; YOU fill in the blanks!), the regular lotion just doesn’t do the trick. However, I’ve come across a product that works really well called Purelan. It contains lanolin, which is an excellent moisturizing, non-toxic agent. Purelan and other products made with lanolin don’t have to be washed off before nursing due to its non-toxic property. In fact, regular lotion, vitamin E products, Bag Balm, and even the ointments handed out by some hospitals should be avoided. I just thought I’d share one of my favorite products with fellow mothers, keeping the breasts fit for all the many boob-related activities involving my babies and he- who- shall- remain- unnamed- and- would- be- very- embarrassed- if- he- reads- this- post. ;-p

Kimora's Year of Being 2

2008-03-14T17:12:00.000-04:00

What a year this has been for my little Kimora! Warning, Warning! Shameless parental bragging ahead..proceed at your own risk!

This passed year Kimora:

-learned all of the alphabet phonetics. She already knew her alphabet before turning 2, but this passed year she learned the sounds that each of the letters in the alphabet make.

-learned which letters are vowels and which are consonants (and short and long vowel sounds).

-put simple words together. The other day she decided to try to write all of the words that she knows how to write. These include names such as Mommy, Daddy, Kimora, Kariah, Kajanae, Grammy, Pappy, Corinne, Acaijah, Ciahnna, and rough renditions of Coran, Seanice, Jaslene, Kaneefa, and Tyrel. These also include words like cat, bat, sat, mat, which she would write while saying, "Mat. M-A-T spells mat." :) Another rhyming set was cap, sap, map, lap, and nap.

-learned how to count to 100. When this was a novelty, she drove us nearly mad counting slowly and deliberately to 100 several times daily! :)

-became a big sister for the second time. Kimora has truly amazed us with her joyous and kind spirit; I think that she's an inherent big sister...her nurturing instinct is so natural.

-learned more Spanish. I've been so thankful for my ability to speak Spanish, and I want to give that same opportunity to be bilingual with my daughters. Both Kimora and Kariah have surprised many a Latino family when they nonchalantly converse in Spanish after hearing the family speak together (they switch back and forth very quickly). So, this year Kimora's Spanish vocabulary improved immensely and she is getting a good handle on verb conjugation.

-put together her first "big person puzzle" all my herself. It wasn't an astronomically sized puzzle, but it had about 50 pieces, which was pretty good for an almost 3-year-old!

-learned how to swim. Kimora is fearless in the water. When we go to the ocean or the pool, she will take off towards the water sans swimmies, innertubes, everything! My nerves aren't as frazzled as before now that she darts through the water like a little fishy, but I still insist on being RIGHT by her side.

-developed a knack for sarcasm. Hmmm...I wonder who she learned this from? ;)

I love you my little cuppy-cake. You've brought soooo much joy to our lives. May this next year be as wonderful as the last! I'm honored to be your mommy.

Party Central........Preschool Style!

2008-03-12T14:35:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Kimora Jasmine!

Today my little Kimora Pie turns 3 years old. What a joy this sassy little bundle of love has been these past three years....only a baby, yet a big sister two times over! I can never get enough of her sweetness and wit.

The birthday girl deserves to have the attention focused on her today, so I'll make this post quick ;)...we just put the finishing touches on the preparations for her Princess Tea Party. I'm sure I'll relate the details following the event! :) I also plan to devote another post this evening to Kimora as a documentation of what this past year held for my little cuppy-cake!

Happy birthday, my beautiful baby. I record this for you! When you're older and you read my blog entries, may you feel my love for you reaffirmed and reaffirmed millionfold!

I'm a Chicken :-(

2008-03-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

Hey guys...I have a confession to make. I chickened out. I put a photo of me up here under the profile section...and then I took it down. I'm not sure if I'm ready to make that step yet. I figured, too, most of you know what I look like anyways! :) However, some of you have been talking to a faceless person for quite a while. Sorry I need to sign off right now because Kajanae needs to nurse. I'd appreciate input on what you guys think about the whole photo situation...it's not REALLY a big deal, but I'd just like some other opinions before I "jump the gun." We shall see I suppose....

Sibling Relationships and Spring Break Excitement!

2008-03-02T18:09:00.001-05:00

Tonight my parents and three youngest sisters are coming to our home for dinner. I didn’t write about this before, because I know that my sisses check my blog and I didn’t want to spoil their surprise…BUT….my parents, Jamal, and I are banding together to plan a special spring break trip for them to Cancun, Mexico. Corinne, Acaijah, and Ciahnna will each get to bring one friend along….so that’s my mother, my daddy, Jamal, me, Kimora, Kariah, Kajanae, Corinne, Acaijah, Ciahnna, and three family friends of the girls’ choosing!!!! It’ll be quite a crew, but I know they will be just DELIGHTED…I can’t wait to tell them! I truly appreciate my sisters sooo much and all that they do. They’re such helpful, generous, and giving spirits. In addition, they are very intelligent and are so dedicated to their academic work that we feel that they truly deserve a special break.

Speaking of sibling relationships, I have a miniature story to share about last night:

Before Kajanae was born, Jamal and I would rotate children each night when getting them ready for bed. For example, I would help Kimora get ready, read to her, and sing her special lullaby while Jamal did the same with Kariah; the following night we would switch children and I would spend the one-on-one time with Kariah and Jamal with Kimora. However, since Kaji’s birth, usually one parent helps the “big girls” get ready while the other tends to the baby. This particular evening, Kajanae was sound asleep, so we decided to have an evening like our old routine since I think that the girls benefit from one-on-one time, particularly when winding down for the night. Last night I was reading to Kimora and singing her lullaby when Kajanae began to fuss; Jamal left Kariah for a second to go tend to Kaji, and that little cutie (Kariah) escaped her room and came running over to Kimora’s room. Kariah crawled up into Kimora's bed, and they cuddled together with arms wrapped around each other. Kimora announced proudly about Kariah, "She's my best friend!" What an adorable moment! Perhaps I try so hard to spend one-on-one time with my daughters that I underestimate their enjoyment in spending time TOGETHER. :)

When Did This Happen?

2008-02-27T16:58:00.001-05:00

I'm a huge supporter of the arts. Just thought I'd get that out there. As Christians, I think we have an even higher responsibility and greater difficulty. Sorry if I'm being vague, but I, believe it or not, am actually having difficulty articulating my thoughts (I know, hard to believe, huh? :) ) I think Madeleine L'Engle said it best when she wrote that,

"All art, good, bad, indifferent, reflects its culture. Great art transcends its culture and touches on that which is eternal. Two writers may write the same story about the same man and woman and their relationship with each other. One writer will come up with art and the other with p*or*nog*raph*y. There is no subject that is not appropriate for the artist, but the way in which it is handled can sometimes be totally inappropriate. True art has mythic quality in that it speaks of that which was true, is true, and will be true.

Too much concern about Christian art can be destructive both to art and to Christianity. I can not consciously try to write a Christian story. My own life and my own faith will determine whether or not my stories are Christian. Too much Christian art relies so heavily on being Christian that the artist forgets that it also must be good art......If we are truly Christian, that will be evident, no matter what the topic. If we are not truly Christian, that will also be evident, no matter how pious the tale."

Excellent quote, is it not? This art, I think, does not work through propositions but rather through indirect means used by the imagination. However, I think that Christians have belittled or ignored the imagination. When did we become so politicized and ideological? When did we pass the divide where politics began to be more highly valued than culture? These are culture wars, which I find to be oxymorons as culture is about nourishment and cultivation, whereas war inevitably involves destruction. The two sides could, I suppose, be seen as progressive vs. conservative, but I truly think that we can't simplify the issue to such a degree.

Am I being clear? Maybe if I think of a better way to explain my ponderings I'll write them here for you all to stew over! Such are the rambling, probing thoughts of an ever- thinking and curious mind! :)

Sickening Condescension

2008-02-24T23:26:00.000-05:00

On Friday I took Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae out to each lunch at the Colonnade, a neat family-friendly restaurant in Atlanta that specializes in classic Southern food. Afterwards, we went to Imagine It! children's museum. We had a fantastic girls' day out while poor dada was on call, working hard as usual.

There was, however, a very troubling conversation that I overhead (much to the delight of the speaker) during our otherwise enjoyable lunch. We were seated near another mother and her two children; she had a boy that I would guess is about six and a girl probably around four. They were obviously from out of town- I won't get into it...just trust me! Many of you know what I mean.

As children do, the four-year-old girl asked some questions very loudly that were none of her business. I wasn't offended in the least by this part; she was merely a curious child. Staring over at us, she asked her mom, "Mommy, is that their babysitter?" ("that" being me; "their" referring to my daughters). "No, sweetheart; she's their mommy." (How she could be so sure, I don't know) The child delved further. "Why don't they look like their mommy?" "Because she had s*e*x with a negro, honey."

Ummm....excuse me? Please tell me I just imagined this conversation. Someone smack me, please!! I can understand a curious child, but I can not FATHOM a mother who would not only permit her daughter to continue asking questions within earshot, but who blatantly judged me, my daughters, and "the negro" that I "had sex with."

Never mind that my daughters DO look like me. Never mind that I'm MARRIED to the "negro" I "had sex with". Never mind we don't live in the 1800s anymore and that anyone remotely PC knows the inappropriate implications of such a word. She wanted me to hear her comments; I knew it..I'm not stupid. In fact, quite the opposite.

I stared down at my my peppermint ice cream (a signature trademark of the Colonnade) and didn't want anymore. I looked at my beautiful daughters, gloriously oblivious to the remarks. Kimora with her little cornrows just like mommy, intent on scraping her ice cream dish clean and making goofy faces; Kariah and her adorable little curls in ponies, laughing at her big sister, and Kajanae, asleep in my arms with her fringe of mile-long eyelashes making half moons on her cheeks. I thought of my husband working at his medical office; the man of my dreams, my soulmate, everything and more I ever dreamt of....a gorgeous guy with diligence, patience, quiet strength, and feistiness....a man who is fiercely in love with me.

Wow...how little that lady knows...and what a shame. Don't anyone worry; we had a fantastic day nevertheless. However, I felt compelled to share this with you all. Incidents such as these remind me of how far we truly have to go in exterminating the ignorance and racism that is STILL far too prevalent in our society.

Happy Anniversary of Your Arrival, Ciahnna!

2008-02-19T21:49:00.000-05:00

Today marks three years that my little sister Ciahnna has been a foster child in our family. I have so enjoyed experiencing her “tween” years! She is such a mature young lady for having turned fourteen only last December. I was reminiscing about her first few weeks at my parents’ home and remembered how she could never fall asleep. She seemed so anxious and troubled; I remember the only way that she would fall asleep was if I would lie down beside her and sing (I was seven months pregnant with Kimora). The following song always was calming for her; enjoy these lyrics, written as God speaking to us:

Set your troubled hearts at rest, set your troubled hearts at rest.

I have stilled the wildest thunder; I will give you rest.

Lay your heavy burdens down, lay your heavy burdens down.

I have come to carry your burden; lay your burden down.

Trust me in your unbelief, trust me in your unbelief.

I have met you in your doubting; trust me and believe.

Set your troubled hearts at rest, set your troubled hearts at rest.

I have made a dwelling for you, I will give you rest.

Our hearts are fuller and happier thanks to your presence in our lives, Ciahnna. We’re so glad you’re part of our family! Love and blessings….true sisters forever! Love you! <3

My Valentine

2008-02-16T00:17:00.000-05:00

Instead of having the traditional romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day this year, my hubby planned a “throw back” night for us. The evening was so special and thoughtful.

Right before leaving for the evening I nursed Kaji and explained in detail the routine and wrote out an extensive list for my mother. Funny thing is, my mother already knew everything I was telling her; I just tend to be silly and micromanaging. I pumped earlier in the day so that my mother could give Kajanae a bottle while I was gone, and then Jamal and I would be home in time for me to nurse her again. Acaijah and Ciahnna came with mom to help out with Kimora and Kariah. Corinne couldn’t make it; she had a date! *wink wink ;). Dad and mom had their special date earlier in the afternoon, so, don’t worry! They got to celebrate Valentine’s Day, as well. :)

I wore a black empire waist halter dress that Jamal loves. I’m actually smaller than my pre-pregnancy size; my doctor seems concerned. I weigh less, yet my boobs are bigger. Anyway, this is a tangent and not the direction that I had intended for this post!

First stop was a production of the musical Godspell. This was an EXCELLENT interpretation of the original classic. I performed in my university’s production of Godspell when I was a student, so seeing the performance was very nostalgic for me! Next stop was a diner we frequented as dating lovebirds. During dessert, despite my cajoling against it once I figured out what he was intent on doing, Jamal waltzed up to the karaoke stage. He then proceeded to sing Chris Brown’s With You. I could only stare adoringly at him the entire time, our eyes locked through the whole song. I was in tears. A beautiful moment I’ll surely remember.

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight

Hey lil mama, ooh you're a stunner
Hot little figure, yes you a winner, and
I'm so glad to be yours
You're a class of your own and
Ooh little cutie, when you talk to me
I swear the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart and
I'm so glad that you're mine
You are one of a kind, and
You mean to me what I mean to you
And together baby there is nothing we won't do

'Cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... girl
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... Oh girl

I don't want nobody else
Without you there's noone left, and
You're like Jordans on Saturday
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now
Hey lil shorty, say you care for me
You know I care for you
You know that I will be true
You know that I won't lie
You know that I will try
Be your everything

'Cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart

Oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... Yeah

And I will never try
To deny that you are my whole life
'Cause if you ever let me go
I would die so I won't run
I don't need another woman
I just need you or nothing
'Cause if I got that
Then I'll be straight
Baby you're the best part of my day

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
They need their boo
They gotta see their boo
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
Hearts all over the world tonight

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh(girl)
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you...
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you...
Baby yeah

Thank you, baby, for an unforgettable Valentine’s Day. Five-and-a-half years and counting. I look forward to many more years with you. All my love; your shawty forever. <3

Contemplating the Novelties

2008-02-08T17:19:00.000-05:00

Since arriving home from the hospital, I've noticed some things about our new life.

-Kimora seems so HEAVY! The first few times I lifted her after Kajanae's birth, I was shocked at how heavy she felt. Kariah seems soooo long, especially when I lay her down for a diaper change. I remember after Kariah was born, I experienced the same thing...thinking that Kimora looked so long (as Kimora also wore diapers when Kariah was born). Now the same thoughts are occurring to me, only this time, they apply to Kariah's size vs. Kajanae's....and an even greater difference between the baby and Kimora!

-I had forgotten how much laundry a family with a newborn goes through! Frequent outfit changes, burp cloths, sheets, blankets, etc. all amount to a great deal of washing, drying, and folding. My dear mother and sisters have been sooo helpful in this department; I'm forever indebted to you all! :)

-Another thing I had forgotten is how expressive a newborn's facial expressions can be! Kajanae makes some of the most darling, funny faces. When I'm nursing her and I plan to reach for the book beside me, I end up looking down at her and I forget to read. She nurses, I admire her, and the book goes unread (which is fine, because I know these days are fleeting, and I treasure these moments very much).

-One of my favorite things that Kajanae does is snuggle against me with her arms tucked in and legs curled up....she looks perfectly at peace. She reminds me of a koala bear as I cuddle with her, and I call her that.

-Kimora and Kariah have made some funny statements since Kajanae's birth. For example, Kimora keeps forgetting that when I feed Kajanae, it's called "nursing" or "breastfeeding." Instead, Kimora calls it "milking." (While I'm still nursing Kariah, she obviously doesn't nurse as often; I assume that this is why Kimora's special term is just now coming out!) Why yes, sweetheart! That is actually a very accurate description, but for some reason, we don't usually call it that!

-One thing that Kimora and Kariah have picked up from us is how to croon to Kajanae when she fusses. When Kajanae is fussing, Kimora and Kariah will say in a sing-song voice, "Kaji, it okay. We're here." :)

-Something else that I've noticed since we've been home is that Jamal has a new favorite phrase. When we're going to bed and I'm talking about something very unromantic such as our girls, my parents, my siblings, his family, my shopping finds, the accumulating laundry, etc., he'll always get a feisty look on his face and say, "You talking dirty to me?" I, then, burst out in uncontrollable laughter, which I'm sure is not the result he's looking for.....very creative and an A for effort on his part, anyway.....I must admit that I do enjoy it very much! :) Love you baby.

As my family grows, my love for them grows, and grows, and grows. It's hard to contain it, much less describe it!

Just a Quick Hello

2008-02-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

Wow…it’s been a while! We had a fabulous weekend in Savannah; thanks to those of you who asked. We enjoyed spending time with J’s family…particularly Jacinta, Tyrese, and baby Keyana with whom we shared our adjoining suite. The children behaved very well…they were delighted to have a new city to explore. We hit up some children’s museums, which were big hits. Kajanàe was as good as can be….quite a little trooper for being in a completely new environment. We bought Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanàe matching Roca Wear jackets! My little babies look so ghetto fabulous :) ! Kajanàe attracts a lot of attention while we are out, because she has so much hair for a two week-old baby; her cute little dark curls are so plentiful that I can even manage a few teeny ponytails!

So, I just wanted to take this opportunity to give a quick update and let everyone know that we're still here and we had a fabulous weekend! Hearts and hugs....

Sex and Savannah

2008-02-01T17:01:00.000-05:00

So…sticky subject…and lots of s’s. :) Kajanàe is now 10 days old; that’s a week and 3 days. The question is, how long does one wait…or better, how long do two wait? You know what I’m talking about—no secrets here. I know the required healing period varies between individuals. It’s quite a strange (not to mention AWKWARD) subject on which to ask for others’ input. I’m very straightforward with my doctor, but she tends to be very strict and “by the books”. I really appreciate that about her, and I follow all of her instructions and advice to the tee; however, I’m thinking that this is one area that may call for a little cheating!

…..Not soon, however. Allow me to explain. This weekend, Jamal’s parents are taking ALL of us to Savannah for a celebration of Kajanàe’s and Keyana’s births….a huge shebang including our family and the families of Jamal’s four siblings. Each immediate family will share an adjoining suite with another immediate family (one will share with the parents for an even six, or three mega suites in total). We will be adjoined with Jacinta and Tyrese, since we both have babies (Keyana was born last June). We are very excited for this trip; a wonderful opportunity to relax with family. However, let me just be emphatic in saying that there will be NO “action” on this trip, considering the adjoined suites…hear me, honey? So stop the begging, bribing, and cajoling before you even begin! :) There will be plenty of daytime excitement though, from enjoying the city with our little ones to relaxing in the hotel to even having dinner on the water Saturday night!

Did I mention this trip was a surprise? I think I forgot that little detail! Add that to the pile of “s” words! We found out….Wednesday! Momma Tessa knew I’d be stressing about the trip if I knew beforehand, and probably wouldn’t agree to go with a new baby. She’s a sly one, Jamal’s mother is….and she spoils us, obviously! Sorry to all those who hate their mothers-in-law…mine’s a keeper! Love you all and I’ll see you this evening after everyone gets off work and we hit the road!

(note: asterisks * because I don't want to be googled for that word :) )

Oops I'm Sorry

2008-02-01T16:58:00.000-05:00

In my previous post, I simply wanted to showcase my wonderful sister Acaijah's incredible brilliance and wit. I had absolutely no intention of offending anyone...and I'm sorry to those of you who were. Thank you to those who jumped to my defense. I obviously know that Jesus was a man and that he was of Jewish descent...the post was meant simply for a laugh. I hope that you all no longer call into question my devotion to my Lord. Now, on to happier things...

Jesus, My Homeboy

2008-01-28T23:33:00.001-05:00

My sassy, witty, 16-year-old sis Acaijah sent me this in an email today, and I just had to share it! I'm not sure where she found it or if she made it up; I'll have to ask her! :)

Who was Jesus?

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure His mother was a virgin and His mother was sure He was God

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

Just to go on the record, Acaijah sent me this all in good fun; there isn't a stereotypical bone in her body! <3>

Crashes and Glitches

2008-01-27T20:12:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I've changed the template and customized the colors on my blog. The reason I even bothered to do this customizing is because I had to begin again from scratch! My google account wouldn't allow me to sign in on my previous blog because there was some confusion with emails (we're in the process of changing companies). So, this is still me with a whole new look! :)
I include crashes in the title of this post because a site that I visit regularly is experiencing major difficulties....posts and comments were lost..oh well! Asi es la vida!
I reposted my previous posts with their original post dates...so those are still in the archives!

My new url address is urbanmommy-lia.blogspot.com instead of just urbanmommy, because urbanmommy still technically exists, I'm just unable to access and edit it. Enjoy the new layout...I think it's pretty ;). Hope everyone has a great week, and I'll keep you posted. Kaneefa and Seanice...we still on for this week, sistas?? :) Love and appreciate you guys to the ends of the Earth!

P.S. I think my favorite post to date is one that I didn't even write! I love the post that Jamal wrote because it's SSSOOOO HIM! LOL Everyone's been telling me how great of an "urban daddy" I have! Thanks everyone, I know *wink*, I know ;).

A Quick Moment :)

2008-01-27T20:09:00.000-05:00

Friday, January 25, 2008

I’ve snagged a moment to update….I hardly know where to begin! Many of you are already familiar with these happenings, but I just want to fill in the rest of you who only know that…..well, my baby was born on Monday!

First off, I just want to clear up any confusion about the pronunciation of my baby girl’s name, Kajanàe. The first syllable is pronounced like the first syllable of the fabric cashmere, so the “j” has the phonetic “zh” sound, if that makes sense. The rest is self explanatory…and the accent is on the final syllable…so something like “KazhanAY” except with a lot prettier spelling! :)

My water broke Monday morning, and the labor progressed fairly quickly. We called my sis-in-law Ebony to keep Kimora and Kariah so that my parents and siblings could be at the birth. Being my typical uber-prepared self, I had everything ready to go weeks in advance. Jamal packed my luggage in the car…and then we were off to have a baby! At this point…still soooo surreal!

By the time we arrived at the hospital, much to my surprise, I was already four centimeters dilated. They hooked me up with an epidural pronto….and no pitocin required this time! :) I was in labor a total of five hours, including pushing time—a much shorter labor than those with my two older daughters. As she was crowning…my goodness!...no longer surreal at this point! I could certainly believe she was coming as I experienced the proverbial “ring of fire.” I’m going to be quite blunt here and say…gosh, I’m not a very large person! But hey, a twenty-seven year-old body is resilient, thank goodness.

Little Kajanàe Samaria entered the world as a wailing bundle of joy, and was INSTANTLY loved (well, we loved her in utero, too!). Upon first seeing her, I was overwhelmed with love for this beautiful little being, and then overwhelmed with a strong déjà vu feeling….Kajanàe favors her big sister Kimora sooo much!!! Yes she is a typical ________baby (insert our last name). Supposedly the combo of Jamal and my genes creates a distinctive look…the best of both, we’ve heard! Kajanàe has a head of dark curly hair. Her facial features are dainty and fine, and her eyes are big, dark, and sparkling….she has the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen on a baby. She had that coming to her, though; that’s a trait from both mommy and daddy! :)

Jamal and my mother were both in the delivery room with me. In the waiting room were my sisters Corinne, Acaijah, Ciahnna, Seanice, Kaneefa, and Jaslene; my brothers Coran and Tyrel; and of course my daddy. That evening and the next morning many friends and extended family came to visit. Thank you all so much for your love and support. Big hugs to you guys!

I came home the next day, on Tuesday, with Kajanàe. We’re indeed a very busy family, but in the absolute best way possible! Kimora and Kariah are adjusting very well. When Kajanàe cries they will run over to her and pat her and say, “It okay Kaji.” So cute! That warms this mama’s heart! Kajanàe is such an easygoing baby; she will literally only cry if she’s hungry or tired. The poor thing won’t even let me know when she has a dirty diaper…so I check regularly so that my little girl isn’t laying around with dirty panties! :( She will wake up twice a night to nurse and fall right back to sleep; no complaints here!

We’ve been home for a few days now, so I think I’ve established a fairly effective routine. Having three under three (three kids under age three :)), I need to be very scheduled and organized!

As many of you know, I’m still nursing Kariah, so I’m currently tandem nursing. The only change in Kariah’s behavior since the birth of the new baby has been the frequency that she wants to nurse. So, sometimes I’m nursing two babies at once! Kariah asks to nurse several times daily; at this point I’m indulging her, considering the change in our family dynamics. I think this is the best decision in helping her to feel secure. For those of you who were asking about her health…she’s much better now! Thanks for your concerns.

I was just thinking, a day would be a complete waste if:

-I haven’t glorified God in all I’ve said and

done and sought to live by Jesus’ example

-I haven’t held my baby, looked into her eyes

and sung her to sleep

-I haven’t played with Kimora and Kariah,

hugged them tight and kissed them goodnight

-I haven’t snuggled with Jamal at the end of the

day and told him how very enamored, in love,

and blessed I am to have him as my husband.

I don’t plan on having any wasted days! :) Well, this has turned into a LONG moment! I will stay in touch and keep everyone updated as best I can….I promise! To quote our current favorite bedtime story, “Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.” <3

And Then There Were Three......

2008-01-27T20:08:00.002-05:00

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Hello all!

Officially announcing the birth of our newest little addition,

Kajanae Samaria
Born Monday, January 21, 2008 Martin Luther King Jr. Day
6 lbs. 13 oz. 19" long

We're overjoyed and VERY busy....I promise more birth story details....hopefully tomorrow!
<3>

Whoa Baby!

2008-01-27T20:08:00.001-05:00

Monday, January 21, 2008

Hey all.

This is "Urban Daddy" reporting....or Kimora and Kariah's Daddy (dang she's hilarious).

Most of you all were and still are in the waiting room, but for those of you still out of the loop, shawty had the baby today- a little girl as we anticipated. Lia and the baby are doing very well, as are Kimora and Kariah. I'll let her announce the details, but she instructed me to make an entry in her blog. So here I am. Proud papa.

-J

Sigh

2008-01-27T20:07:00.001-05:00

Friday, January 18, 2008

Well...tonight is my husband and my official last date before the new baby is born. We're going to Bacchanalia's to eat and then the Sutra Lounge afterwards (to dance! ;).....two of our favorites here in Atlanta. We plan to resume dates after the baby is born ( a twice a month tradition), but we'll be taking the baby along (!) since she will be nursing.

My parents are coming over to keep Kimora and Kariah tonight. Tomorrow is Kimora and my "date" together, and Jamal is spending the day with Kariah. Then on Sunday, after church, we'll switch kids. Just squeezing in a last few hoorahs before our daughter is born! Ahhh! The anticipation is killing me...and it's sooo surreal that I'll actually be having a baby within the next week! :)
<3>

Sage Advice :)

2008-01-27T20:06:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

"Don't spend your life wishing for Friday, because you'll miss out on a lot of great Wednesdays."

A Day for Doors

2008-01-27T20:04:00.001-05:00

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A very special person shared these words with me today. I found them to be highly inspirational, considering all that God has recently been writing on my heart. I hope you can find some wisdom in them as well:

"Today is the day for doors. Today is the day to recognize the doors that are all around you. I want you to recognize the doors that I've put in front of you. I want you to see what's been closed and what is being closed and what is open and what is being opened.

I want you to stop pounding on and mourning over the doors that I have closed or am closing and I want you to start walking through and rejoicing over the doors that I have opened and am opening for you. They're not one and the same.

Have you become so enamored with one particular door that you can't see your way clear to walk through another door that is standing wide open? I'm telling you that some of you have set up camp and made your home at closed doors just because you thought it had your name and address on it. While other doors stand wide open to you.

Today is the day for you to leave the one and walk through the other. Will you stop eyeing and grumbling about the doors you see being opened for others and walk through the doors that are standing wide open for you. Will you stop giving yourself to one solitary door at the expense of what I want to give you?

This isn't the day for closed doors, it is a day for open doors, but you cannot walk through the one until you abandon the other. The closed doors are being closed so that the open doors can be opened.

There are occupational doors, and relational doors and ministry doors and geographic doors into nations and doors into worship and doors into hearts and doors into places that you have only dreamed about and whispered about behind closed doors. I'm telling you delivery room doors are being opened today, and doors to fortified places are being forced open for some, and for others doors into realms that you wouldn't dare to walk through if you didn't know I was making the way.

You can't open the doors I've closed but you can walk through the doors I open. It's up to you......."

May each of you walk through the doors He is opening for you! <3

Oh Well....

2008-01-27T19:41:00.001-05:00

Monday, January 14, 2008

No success here. I slept for about two hours and then woke up to feeling the baby kicking my ribs. I couldn't return to snoozeland, so I'm on the computer! Where else at this hour?
As you all know, I love babies and celebrities, and celebrity babies! :) I just left a few comments on one of the sites that I follow regularly. Unfortunately, the comments are generally unmoderated, so some rather nasty and vile comments appear. I have made some really cool cyber friends on the site though, and a few (a much smaller portion) that I could certainly live without! I just get so sad when others try to emulate a person that would have grown up in the type of area that I did...disrespecting us...perpetuating stereotypes. Coran- I'll have to let you read some of the posts next time you're over. You'll probably tell your baby sister to stay away from there! :)
There is a really neat site called Celebrity Baby Blog that gives excellent up to date news feeds...and the comments are monitored! Yippee! :) I've actually started going there; so Ebony and Seanice...I would definitely recommend it!
Well I'd better try to sleep again. I keep hearing Kariah on the monitor because she's breathing heavy due to her cold. Poor little thing! I try so hard to keep things clean for K&K, but sometimes a bug here and there is inevitable!
<3>

This Momma is Pooped!

2008-01-27T19:40:00.001-05:00

Monday, January 14, 2008

It's only 9:40 PM right now...an unheard of time for me to go to bed...but I think I just might. In recent weeks, I've really been savoring my pregnancy, knowing that this will be my last one for a while. However, at this point, I'm just ready for baby # 3 to boogy her little butt into the world! I'll miss having a little constant ally with me at all times, but I am anticipating her birth now more than ever! Better go sleep while I can...goodnight all! <3

Thanks Big Bro!

2008-01-27T19:39:00.001-05:00

Monday, January 14, 2008

I had the pleasure today of meeting with my big bro Coran. We ate at the California Pizza Kitchen....a very neat lunch spot! We even got to watch our pizza bake in the wood-fired oven.
I always enjoy spending time with my brother. I've watched him morph from an aspiring rapper into a dignified real estate developer (even so, he'll still bust out a lyric now and again! :) ) I appreciate his input on many issues, including racial reconciliation and white privilege. Our conversations never fail to be deep and in depth....thanks for being such an intelligent, thoughtful big bro! <3 u
My fantastic sister-in-law kept the girls....upon returning home I learned that Aunt Ebony had not fixed lunch as I had instructed....Kimora and Kariah only had eaten ice cream...and moose tracks at that! No wonder K&K love their Aunt Ebony so much! Those little girls will be eating their veggies tonight at dinner.... :)

Hmmm...I'll Think About It

2008-01-27T19:36:00.001-05:00

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Well, I've already received input from many of you guys about my new blog. You'll have to be patient! :) I still plan to work more on layout and personalization. Many of you have asked about photos...and I have to say that I probably will not be displaying pics on my blog. Most of you I see weekly if not daily...so I think you will remember how we look.

Here's the deal: I love the whole "global campfire" concept of the internet. However, I'm still not comfortable with putting everything "out there." My name, my husband's name, my daughters names, and my foster sisters names are mentioned on here, as well as our city of residence. (Although, Atlanta doesn't narrow us down much!) Probably visual representation would be a bit much! Okay later guys...love you!!

Test Post!!!

2008-01-27T19:34:00.000-05:00

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Hello all! Just testing out this system. I know many of you who begged me to start a blog don't even have one....so apparently my writings will be a monologue. At least you will still be able to read my wonderfully perceptive thoughts! :) <3>

Urban Mommy *Kx5*

Update on Coping with the Loss of Corinne

Kaydence

Sometimes the Night Haunts Me

New Pics.....

Thank You

I Miss....

I Knew You For A Moment

I am the Lord's servant; be it unto me as you have said...

The Spirit of Adoption

Wordless Wednesday: Caramel Apples

Princess, Pippi, Pepper

Not Me! Monday

With My Frappuccino in Hand....

Octopus Woman

Mi Querida Familia :-)

"Mommyyyyyyyy! NO NO NO NO! Mommyyyyyy!!!" *tears, and tears, and tears*

The New Additions to the _________ Family

One Step at a Time....*sigh*

To Bless Your Garden of Friendships:

Party Central.....Toddler Style!!

Happy Birthday Kariah Chanel!!!!!!

Never Neverland

Muffin Tin Monday

In This Season

Untitled

Eye Shots

The Latest on K, K, and K!

New Pics!

The Next Step

For Kimora, Kariah, and Kajanae

Happy Father's Day

Summer 2008

A Note of Reassurance to the Correveidiles of the World

Frustrating...Baffling...A Blessing

A Whirlwind of a Spring

Just Checking In

Well....

Yikes!!

My Little Baby Kajanae

Aunt Flo

Welcome Back!

Tropical Paradise

Inside Every Great Man You Can Find a Woman Like a Soldier

Significance

A Smörgåsbord

The Last Supper

Holy Cannoli!

Product Pitch

Kimora's Year of Being 2

Party Central........Preschool Style!

I'm a Chicken :-(

Sibling Relationships and Spring Break Excitement!

When Did This Happen?

Sickening Condescension

Happy Anniversary of Your Arrival, Ciahnna!

My Valentine

Contemplating the Novelties

Just a Quick Hello

S*e*x and Savannah

Oops I'm Sorry

Jesus, My Homeboy

Crashes and Glitches

A Quick Moment :)

And Then There Were Three......

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Whoa Baby!

Monday, January 21, 2008

****Sigh****

Friday, January 18, 2008

Sage Advice :)

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A Day for Doors

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Oh Well....

Monday, January 14, 2008

This Momma is Pooped!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Thanks Big Bro!

Monday, January 14, 2008

Urban Mommy Kx5

"Mommyyyyyyyy! NO NO NO NO! Mommyyyyyy!!!" tears, and tears, and tears

One Step at a Time....sigh

Sex and Savannah

Sigh